Monday, May 30, 2005

Car's alternative fuel said to attract bear

Yet again, those environmentalist hippies get what's coming to them. Actually, I have no problem with Biodiesel...I think it's a great way to curb our oil thirst, and you can't beat a car that smells like fries. Well, unless you're in bear country...

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Poor Ken..

KenJen Schooled in "Jeopardy!" Showdown

After all the hype he comes in second. Still, $500,000 for second place isn't bad. Third place gets steak knives, fourth place you're fired.

Things that REALLY need pictures

Tiger Woods Subject of Butter Sculpture?

Fortunately for all of us, she's got her own web site and it's got what we want...the Last Supper sculpted out of butter. Jesus must be so proud.

Butter for Supper?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Headline of the day

Man Gets 20 Days in Toy Banana Flashing

I think the next band I'm in will be named "Toy Banana Flashers"

Monday, May 23, 2005

Spaceships Will Appear Over Las Vegas On My Signal

Well, not MY signal, but Prophet Yahweh's signal.

For more information please feel free to visit Prophet Yahweh's web site at

And man, with a hat like this he'd better be able to summon SOMETHING!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Oh, sweet Jebus...

Who's brilliant idea was this? I mean, the Eagles and Kiss are one thing, but do we really need a Spice Girls reunion tour> Really ?

No longer just in the movies

Finally, REAL Deer hunters can use hand guns. No word on whether they'll be restricted to only one bullet.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Astronaut Asks Congress to Investigate Threatening Asteroid

Nothing will scare off a 1,000 foot diameter asteroid like the threat of a Congressional Investigation...

Of course, if they do send a robot probe up to the asteroid and determine it will indeed hit Earth, will they send up Brice Willis and Ben Aflek, or Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones? Oh, wait...they only fix satelites. My bad.

I vote they send up a small, triangle-shaped ship to shoot at the asteroid. It will take 7 shots to bring it down, since as we know the first shot splits the asteroid in two, and the second and third shots split those halves into two. Only when the asteroid is in quarters can you successfully destroy the small pieces. Just watch out for those freaking flying saucers. And stay off the hyperspace button.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Things I wish I'd thought of

Man, if only I'd thought of Pirate Pride Week or Ninja Respect Month when I was in college... And, more importantly, if only this guy hadn't made it up to make some stupid point or something. Stupid guy.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Hours of my life I'll never get back...

Why, Zeus, why? Why did I waste my time watching this piece of crap? I mean, sure, it's a good story and all, and I've been a fan of Greek mythology since I was a kid, but damn, you'd think they could have saved some money on casting and gotten a decent effects guy. CGI has it's place in the world, but this stuff was the modern version of the puppets in "Clash of the Titans" only not as charming.

Made me long for the old "Hercules" series. Even the incredibly hot Leelee Sobieski couldn't save this from the scrap heap. Thank the Gods I'm not a Neilson household any more!

Strap in...

It's going to be a bumpy ride. This is another reason I'm glad to live in the Pacific hurricanes, very rare tornadoes (and those, as always, limit themselves to trailer parks), not a lot of snow. All we have to worry about is killer earth quakes, volcanic eruptions and tsunamis, all of which are rare and relatively unpredictable and, therefore, easy to ignore!

Another Bad Hurricane Season Predicted

Reason #193 why I don't shop at WalMart

Customer Tackles Deer in Neb. Wal-Mart

The only thing that would make this story better is if the customer got a rifle and ammo out of the Sporting Goods department, shot the deer, then bled, cleaned and dressed it before tying it to the hood of his F-150 and heading home for dinner. But you can't have everything, now, can you?

Friday, May 13, 2005

How can you not...

...Blog a game called "Blogopoly"?

You can't. That's how.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Some identity theft info

I tend to not be very paranoid about this stuff. Perhaps I should be...

Can't do the "pay cash" thing, though, 'cause I'm addicted to airline miles.

Monday, May 09, 2005

A big day for pizza and "sexologists

A great day for my good friends at Reuters, and not a scare quote to be found.

First we have a pizza fighting crime, then we have a pizza committing crime. If only the two weren't a large ocean apart we could just sick 'em on each other and see who wins.

My money's on the pizza.

And lest you think that pizza is the only news of the day, rest assured that the world's top notch sexologists are hard at work. " 'Let me tell you, it was not easy finding these pictures,' Hunter College professor Jose E. Nanin told his audience in a seminar about "specialized" sexual behavior among gay men." Clearly this guy's never heard of the internets.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Lost in translation

So I'm googling for instructions to do the fingerless taxi whistle (you know, the really loud one...) and I come across this. And the best quote of all is clearly "600 papers of method of blowing the english were distributed."

Almost makes me wish I was English. Almost.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Chico's back on the air...

So my good friend Chico, formerly of KWCW 90.5 Walla Walla (and a slew of other radio stations from Walla to Mt. Vernon) is back on the air at Super CFL 97.7 FM Seattle and KCFL Fall City. What the heck is this, you ask? It's a low-power FM station playing a weird mix of stuff.

He's on overnight..."Chico on the Overnight" to be precise. That's radio talk for "I stay up all night so you don't have to." Except he doesn't, 'cause the whole thing is automated off a server somewhere in a pasture in Fall City. He records his spots in the evening, loads 'em up, and lets the server do the rest of the work. It's like a podcast that's broadcast.

Give it a listen if you're so inclined (you can stream from the web site). You East Coast types can catch his last few hours from the comfort of your desks, and who knows, you might hear Mr. Chicken as a "guest DJ" or doing sports or some crap. Or perhaps a bootleg Chicken Starship song. Or, more likely, just some songs from the '70s.

My new favorite swear word

So my friend bk sent me this link. I love the concept of the monkeysphere, but more than that I love the term "shitcamel." The full quote is "A friend goes to hit a button and accidentally punches the wrong one. Would you lean over, your mouth two inches from her ear, and scream "LEARN TO OPERATE THE FUCKING ELEVATOR BUTTONS, SHITCAMEL!!" "

How can you not love that? I tried it today on a friend with great results. If you call getting kicked in the jimmies "great results"...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I'm so relieved...

"workplace statistics show that the chance of a body part winding up in food is extremely small."

I'm assuming these are HUMAN body parts, because as far as I know the hamburger I had for lunch was made up of various body parts, presumably from a cow.

That said, this is still a great headline.

Despite Finger, Body Parts in Food Rare:

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


I'm not a big fan of the National Review Online, being raised a lefty by my League (of Women Voters) mother, but how can you not love a story about The Penis Monologues?

Supersize me!

I was wondering what to do with this 10 pounds of ground beef and 25 slices of cheese. Now I know.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My new favorite animal

Forget the Liger or the can they compete with the Zonkey?