Astronaut Asks Congress to Investigate Threatening Asteroid

Nothing will scare off a 1,000 foot diameter asteroid like the threat of a Congressional Investigation...

Of course, if they do send a robot probe up to the asteroid and determine it will indeed hit Earth, will they send up Brice Willis and Ben Aflek, or Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones? Oh, wait...they only fix satelites. My bad.

I vote they send up a small, triangle-shaped ship to shoot at the asteroid. It will take 7 shots to bring it down, since as we know the first shot splits the asteroid in two, and the second and third shots split those halves into two. Only when the asteroid is in quarters can you successfully destroy the small pieces. Just watch out for those freaking flying saucers. And stay off the hyperspace button.