Saturday, April 01, 2006

Well, I suppose I'm committed

That or I should be committed. One of those.

I finally registered for the Portland Marathon. So now I'm about a hundred bucks poorer and I'm guaranteed a t-shirt and a bib. And a heaping helping of pain on October 1st. And 2nd. And, most likely, 3rd.

The one thing that worries me about the whole deal is not the two guys who died during the L.A. Marathon this year, 'cause they were old(er) and had probably eaten more donuts than me. No, it's the waiver I had to acknowledge having read when I registered. Here is the key first paragraph (the rest of it is a disclaimer for to get them off the hook if someone steals my credit card and buys a bunch of HDTVs)...I've highlighted the key points:
In consideration of your accepting this entry, I, the undersigned, intending to be legally bound, hereby, for myself, my family, my heirs, executers, and administrators, forever waive, release & discharge any and all rights & claims for damages & causes of suit or action known or unknown, that may have against The Portland Marathon, The Oregon Road Runners Club, The City of Portland, Multnomah County and all other political entities, the Portland Terminal RR Co., and it's owners, including PDC, Union Pacific, Southern Pacific & Burlington Northern Railroads, all independent contractors & construction firms working on or near the course, all Portland Marathon Race Committee persons, Officials & Volunteers, & all sporsors of the Marathon, & the related Marathon Events & their officers, directors, employees, agents & representatives, successors, & assigns, for any and all injuries that may be suffered by me in this event. I attest that I am physically fit, am aware of the dangers & precautions that must be taken when running in warm or cold conditions, & have sufficiently trained for the completion of this event. I also agree to abide by any decision of an appointed medical official relative to my ability to safely continue or complete the Run. I further assume and will pay my own medical & emergency expenses in the event of an accident, illness or other incapacity regardless of whether I have authorized such expenses. Further, I hereby grant full permission to The Portland Marathon and/or agents hereby authorized by them, to use any photographs, videotapes, motion pictures, recording, or any other record of this event for any legitimate purpose at any time. I further understand that there are no entry refunds, exchanges, transfers or rollovers, and that the event may be cancelled due to severe weather conditions, natural disasters, or threats to local and national security including suspected terrorist activity. I have read this waiver carefully & understand it.

OK...a couple of questions this brings to mind:
  1. The Railroad bit: how many miles of train track am I going to be running on? I don't recall that from the brochure.
  2. Weather: Man, this is a perfect legal disclaimer, isn't it? I mean, talk about covering your's October 1st in Portland. The average temperatures for Portland in October are 64 for a high and 44 for a low and a mean of 55. Granted, the extremes are pretty extreme - record high of 93 back in '87, and a record low of 33 back in '50, but I'm going to take my chances anyway.
  3. Terrorist strike: Wait, there are terrorist threats against Marathons? What the hell? What kind of terrorist group would plan to bring the U.S. to it's knees by attacking a group of idiots running 26.2 miles in Portland freaking Oregon? I mean, the Boston marathon I can understand, 'cause it's famous. And the New York marathon makes sense 'cause it's in New York and everyone knows the Al Quaeda has hated New York ever since Osama couldn't get a cab home from watching Cats back in the 80s. But Portland? I think not.
One good thing about the run is they allow you to customize your bib number. So naturally mine will say "SChicken" on it, along with my mighty bib number 550 (they limited it to 8 letters...what could I d0?)


republicans suck said...

Well, let me say that Portland is a unique place. To be honest the waiver sounded pretty standard. I take it you have never been to Portland, it's not what you're thinking. Portland doesn't fear Al Quada - we have weird eco terrorists here. Oh! and watch out for ppl in animal costumes protesting all the fir retail stores!! Good Luck! I think you'll actally have fun! I think you may just be a bit nervous, but you'll do great!!! :)

Scott Chicken said...

I'm in Portland pretty regularly, but I must say I've never run into any costumed protestors. I must go to the wrong stores.

And as for Al Quaeda vs. eco-terrorists, two questions: first, when was the last eco-terrorist attack that stopped the city? We get small-scale whack jobs up here in Seattle doing things like burning down animal testing labs and freeing all the radioactive mutant squirrels, but other than a mention on the news and an increase in UW tuition it doesn't mean much. And to my point in the post, would an eco-terrorist attack a marathon? You'd think they'd head out to Portland Meadows and stop the racing before striking a blow against man's cruelty to himself.