Thursday's radio blather

Today on the ol' Scott Chicken programme (as always on Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200) we find the following:

There's something fishy here...Pet shop owner claims fish is 43, weighs 20 pounds

A New York City pet shop owner says it's true: Buttkiss, the black pacu he owns, is 43 and weighs 20 pounds. A pacu is a breed that's related to the piranha. Steve Gruebel owns Cameo Pet Shop in Queens. He got Buttkiss in 1967 when he was just a wee thing. He sold him a year later when Buttkiss was two inches long. But in 1970, Buttkiss was returned when he outgrew the buyer's tank.

Today on "I didn't know I was pregnant"...Woman delivers surprise baby, picks up other son

A 32-year-old Kentucky woman who said she didn't know that she was pregnant delivered her newborn son on the floor of her laundry room by herself and even cut the umbilical cord. Kelly Bottom told The Advocate-Messenger that she also picked up her other son from school and stopped in at the baby's grandmother's house to show her the infant before going to the hospital Thursday.

Mrs. Chicken is a knitter, but I don't think she'd do anything this extreme...

An unknown person dubbed The Midnight Knitter by West Cape May residents is covering tree branches and lamp poles with little sweaters under cover of darkness.

You know, you'd think the take would be bigger if you robbed 11 people you would get more than $6

Authorities in Riverside County say a woman with a gun robbed 11 customers at a market and got away with $6.

OK, we can all agree that drunk driving is bad, and that a designated driver is good, but maybe you should find one who can legally drive!. Like maybe the 17-year-old.

A 37-year-old woman was accused of putting her 14-year-old behind the wheel because she was too drunk to drive. The woman was arrested Saturday after Washington County Sheriff's deputies stopped a vehicle on U.S. Highway 75 because of erratic driving. Deputies found the woman's 14-year-old son in the driver's seat and two other minors - ages 14 and 17 - in the car.

I've heard of birds and squirrels causing power outages, but never a

So long, Seneca! And other stories I deemed air-worthy

On today's show I will bring to the mighty Indy Radio airwaves (as always on Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200) the following stories:

So long, Seneca! The Seahawks have traded their backup QB to the Cleveland Browns.

"This will give Seneca a chance for a fresh start," said new Seahawks general manager John Schneider. "The Browns front office's familiarity with his abilities will give him an opportunity to compete for playing time. We wish him nothing but the best."

Now here's a headline you don't see every day! Police hunt for Teddy Roosevelt walrus tusk thief. For the record, it's a tusk stolen from Teddy's house on Long Island. The story is in no way implying that Preident Roosevelt was actually a walrus. Although with that mustache you can't be too certain...

It's clearly a down economy when the human soul goes for under $1,000 US...

The "ghosts" were put up for bidding by Avie Woodbury from the southern city of Christchurch (New Zealand). She said they were captured in her house and stored in glass vials with stoppers and dipped in holy water, which she says "dulls the spirits' energy."

A couple days ago it was breast milk assault. Today it's breast milk cheese.

Angerer said his cooking instincts tend toward things natural. But even he admits: "THIS is a whole other level of 'natural.'"

Reposessing the home was one thing, but when they came after her bird the gloves came off.

Forty-six-year-old Angela Iannelli sued Bank of America in Allegheny County on Monday. She claims her mortgage payments were on time when the contractor damaged furniture, took her pet parrot and padlocked the door to her Allison Park home in October.

I, like others, always assumed Feldman would be first.

Corey Haim, a 1980s teen heartthrob whose career was blighted by drug abuse, has died. He was 38. Haim died early Wednesday at Providence St. Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, Los Angeles County coroner's Lt. Cheryl MacWillie said.

Tuesday's audio blather

On today's Scott Chicken radio programme (as always on Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200 - one note, the streams are having issues, so they may or may not work) we will be discussing the following (and by "discussing" I mean I'll read the story, you either giggle along or shut off your radio/internet connection in dusgust):

First note to self: if I'm going on a theft spree my first item should be a car so I don't have to use cabs as getaway vehicles.

...the woman was arrested Friday after police were called to a Fred Meyer store on a report of a woman walking out without paying for a TV and trying to leave in a cab. Court records said the woman was arrested late last year for going into a Sam's Club on two occasions and allegedly stealing $6,000 worth of televisions, then loading them into a taxi.

Second note to self: Remember that all the detective stories talk about people returning to the scene of the crime? There's a reason to avoid doing that.

A Winter Haven, Florida, man was arrested after authorities said he took a winning scratch-off ticket back to the store he had stolen it from a day earlier...When the man went back to the store on Monday to claim the money, a clerk who was aware of the theft asked the man for his driver's license and wrote down the information. The clerk called the authorities, and deputies went to arrest the man.

Third note to self: If I find out I'm going to be on one of the "Most Wanted" TV shows, don't brag about it at a party.

Sean Kelley, 22, was found at a Magnolia party Friday night. A member of the Pacific Northwest Fugitive Task Force handling the case told KCPQ/13 Kelley was bragging about being a celebrity and that he was going to be on TV.

I'm not sure which part of this story is more wrong. That there's a guy who has parked in the same spot at a McDonalds every morning for the last 16 years, or that someone wanted to fight him over it. It doesn't help that the guys are 52 (alleged assaulter) and 85 (guy with the favorite spot).

Danger! Danger! Cleaning products wired to explode!

A suspicious device that forced employees out of a Redmond Safeway store overnight turned out to be a bottle of cleaning product with wires taped to the outside...Officials said the bottle contained the cleaning product Scrubbing Bubbles.

Finally I can get to the local tavern for a quick beer and sammich between the front and back 9 without having to get in my car or, God forbid, walk. Why? Because the Washington Legislature just OK'd a bill to let golf carts on roads!

Drivers would have to be at least 16 years old and must follow the same road rules as those driving regular vehicles. Carts that are operated in golf cart zones must have reflectors, rearview mirrors, and seatbelts. A person with a revoked license would not be allowed to drive a golf cart on a public road in a golf cart zone.

Because handsome comes from the withinside.

Monday's post-Oscar, post-Razzie radio delights

On today's mighty Scott Chicken Post-Oscar Radio Programme (as always on Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200 - one note, the streams are having issues, so they may or may not work) we will cover these fascinating stories:

Hey, there was some awards show or something yesterday...here's who won what.

In addition to the awards, some people went to see some movies in actual movie theaters! Here's how much money they spent on the latest 3D wonder from Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter's freakishly large head.

Oh, and since the Oscars were yesterday, the winners (if you want to call them that) of the Razzies were announced on Saturday! To quote the lovely Sandra Bullock (winner of Worst Actress for her role in All About Steve:

"I'm more comfortable with criticism than I am with goodwill, because I'm more familiar with it, and I've made friends with it," she told Entertainment Weekly. "And the Razzies are a great honor."

For the record, I don't condone breast milk assaults. But I have to wonder if a male jailer would have pressed charges...Woman charged in breast milk assault on jailer

...as she was changing into an inmate uniform, she squirted breast milk into the face of a female deputy who was with her. The woman now faces a felony charge of third degree assault on a police officer. Her bond was set at $10,000.

This is why I don't let anyone look at my phone. Oh, and don't have any psycho exes...Woman allegedly stabs ex after looking at phone

According to police, Shaw and her 29-year-old ex-husband were at her home late Thursday when she became upset after looking through his cell phone's call history. Detectives said Shaw pulled out a knife and started swinging at her ex-spouse, striking him at least three times. Authorities said his injuries were not life-threatening.

OK, I can understand camping out for something super cool, like, oh, concert tickets or something, but soft-serve ice cream? Really? Granny camps out 43 hours for grandson's ice cream

Michelle Cuestas of Green Bay used two vacation days and camped out for 43 hours to make sure her grandson would be first in line for the 2010 opening of a Stevens Point ice-cream landmark. Belts' Soft Serve opened for the year Friday at 11 a.m. Thanks to grandma, 6-year-old Brayden Banks placed the first order.

Sunday's Chicken Radio Fun House Hour of Mystery

On this morning's Scott Chicken Radio Fun House (as always on Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200 - one note, the streams are having issues, so they may or may not work) we will relay the following hopefully entertaining stories:

#47 on the list of reasons I'm glad I'm not a cop: Police say cook put body hair in cop's sandwich

The Courier-Post of Cherry Hill reports police asked them not to report the incident for fear of copycat crimes. The paper published the story anyway.
And so did the AP, and now so am I. But don't get any ideas, people!

Who says the mortuary business has to be drab and sad? Mass. mortuary hopes chili cook-off brings 'life'

A Western Massachusetts funeral home is trying "bring life" to business with a chili cook-off, a murder-mystery show and free limo rides to couples on their 50th anniversaries...Among other other events sponsored by the funeral home are an art walk, a visit by the Easter Bunny, and monthly birthday cakes to the Pittsfield Senior Center.

If you're going to steal a getaway car, make sure it goes over 30. SC cop stops go-cart, arrests man on drug charges

...The deputy had heard a report of a stolen go-cart and turned on his lights and siren after spotting it less than a half mile from Sweezy's home. Sweezy is charged with resisting arrest, possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and public drunkenness.

Click and Clack of Car Talk fame always say "things get pretty interesting when a wheel comes off." I don't think this was the wheel they meant (although the result was the same): Man OK after steering wheel pops off while driving

... the 59-year-old man was driving his 1978 Buick on Thursday afternoon on State Route 530 when his steering wheel came off, the car left the road, went down an embankment, up the other side, and crashed into a barn. The man narrowly missed a power pole and several small barns with baby cows inside.

The wife just got off of Jury Duty...I'll have to ask her if she remembers taking the oath, otherwise the guy they convicted might just be off the hook! No oath, no conviction, Mich. court says

A Michigan man sent to prison for 15 years is getting a new trial after the judge failed to do a routine procedure - ask the jury to take an oath...Assistant prosecutor David King says his office might appeal to the Michigan Supreme Court. He says Becktel's trial attorney never objected to the lack of a jury oath.

I've heard the term "Banana Hammock", but this is rediculous: Aussie underwear has gone bananas (the product page comes complete with video featuring hunky men carrying around bananas)

Australian underwear company AussieBum has been monkeying around and the result is a range of men's underwear made with bananas. The new eco-friendly banana range of undies incorporates 27 percent banana fiber, 64 percent cotton and 9 percent lycra, AussieBum's Lloyd Jones said on Friday..."Naturally you can't really add anymore banana fiber than that because it might be a bit squishy," said Jones, adding that wearers did not have to worry about real monkeys, as the underwear does not smell like a banana.

Saturday's Chicken Radio Fiesta

It's my weekend to be the mighty morning host on the ol' Indy Radio (Radio KYA and Super CFL...to listen on line open these URLs in your favorite audio player thingy: KYA http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290, Super CFL http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200). Here's what's coming up this morning:

Hypocrite of the week, candidate 1: A 45-year-old woman, charged with ending a domestic dispute by killing her 26-year-old husband of five days, is a registered lobbyist for a group fighting domestic violence.

Officials said Bridges claimed she was unemployed. But records show she is a lobbyist for an organization called the National Declaration for Domestic Violence Order; its Web site says the group is pushing legislation to create a database of those convicted of sex crimes or domestic abuse.

Well, my wife meets two of the three criteria, so maybe we're not doomed after all: Scientists find mathematical formula for the perfect wife

A bride should be five years younger than her groom, should come from the same cultural background, and be the more intelligent of the pair if couples are to have a successful marriage, scientists have announced.

Hypocrite of the week, candidate 2: Anti-Gay State Sen. Got DUI After Leaving Gay Nightclub, Sources Say.

Early Wednesday morning, State Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.) was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. Sources report that Ashburn -- a fierce opponent of gay rights -- was driving drunk after leaving a gay nightclub; when the officer stopped the state-issued vehicle, there was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car.

But wait...that's not all! In a follow-up story from SFGate, we find that Ashburn takes leave amid questions over his sexual orientation!

Lucky duck of the day: Firefighters free duck stuck in Santa Fe chimney

Fire Chief Tommy Anderson said the homeowner heard the bird and lit a fire, hoping the duck would get out on its own from the open-top chimney. Anderson said the plan backfired, when "it filled her house with smoke."

Some times wishes DO come true! Utah man determined to get arrested gets his wish

A man rebuffed in an attempt to get arrested, finally got his wish when he went for an officer's handgun...And he might have gotten more than he bargained for. Police said he was hit with several charges including a serious felony of disarming a peace officer.

Here we go again...another banner free agency loss! Source: Burleson gets $11M guaranteed. Too bad it's guaranteed by the Lions...

Nate Burleson agreed to a five-year, $25 million deal from the Detroit Lions, according to a source.

On the always exciting Scot Chicken Show

Today on the Scott Chicken Show (Radio KYA and Super CFL...the KYA feed is here: http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290. Super CFL is here: http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200/) we will discuss:

Oh, way to go, Science! Way to ruin yet another great story! Elma man electrocuted through wire, not urine

"...autopsy results show that an Elma man who was killed by touching a downed power line was electrocuted through his hand and not through his urine stream as first suspected."

An update on a story from yesterday: Official: Grass case against Calif. man to be cut

Prosecutors say a Southern California man who removed his grass to save water now has enough drought-tolerant plants to comply with an ordinance requiring 40 percent of a yard be covered with live landscaping.

What's not to like about bikini babes selling coffee? Apparently something, at least in Colorado...Some unhappy with bikini ad for Perky Cups coffee

Aurora City Council member Molly Markert called the picture on the 10-by-20-foot banner "degrading to women," but she says it's legal.

Man, I hates me some gum-related vandalism. Then again, I also hate being caned. Still a sticky issue: Singapore keeps gum ban

The ban, first imposed in 1992, is necessary to reduce gum-related litter and vandalism, Mohamad Maliki Bin Osman, parliamentary secretary of the national development ministry, told lawmakers Thursday.

Goats and Emus in Texas, monkeys in the state of disaster that is Florida. What the hell is going on with the animal kingdom? Elusive Fla. monkey dodges captors, defies darts

Yates says the monkey is smart, even stopping to check traffic before crossing a busy street. Officials didn't say how the monkey got loose. They say it isn't considered a threat to humans.

Now this is the kind of shrink I'm looking for! Patients try to keep appointments with jailed doc

At a hearing Tuesday, witnesses said the psychiatrist towered over his bloodied patient with a sword in both hands before he was distracted and had the weapon wrestled away from him.

Today on the Scott Chicken radio programme...

I've been slack about the ol' blogeroonio, and I figured I 'd use it for some shameless self-promotion of the Scott Chicken radio programme over on Indy Radio (Radio KYA and Super CFL...listen to the KYA feed by opening this link in your preferred audio playing software application: http://sandi.damnserver.com:9290. For Super CFL use this'un: http://sandi.damnserver.com:9200/). Because really, what's the point in having the highest rated LPFM afternoon program in Grays Harbor County (not to mention the Cowlitz Valley) if you don't plug yourself?

So here's what's on today from noon to seven:

Grant County escapee caught sinking in Moses Lake. As my mamma always told me, don't try to swim a lake when you're handcuffed and wearing a jail jumpsuit.

Mad emu attacks deputies along El Paso freeway. Man, there's something weird going on down in Texas...yesterday it was a goat roaming free, today it's an Emu.

No harm in naked woman tied to tree in Tacoma park. That is so true...

Claustrophobic Kentuckey deputy tries to shoot his way out of cell. I'm thinking a jail isn't the best place to be if you're claustrophobic...I'm just sayin'.

Mice infest UK's Westminster Palace in London. Hey, that's better than the rats we've got in Congress! Am I right? Huh?

There's also a story about a couple in SoCal who were going on trial for tearing out their lawn to save water, but I can't find the link (and tomorrow's exciting show will feature an update anyway, so what's the point?)!

You go, King County Courts!

A couple nice rulings for the Seattle-area schools...well, maybe nice. The math one I'm totally behind, 'cause I can't stand the whole "Discovery Math" concept. The funding ruling is probably a good thing, although the state budget is so tight it will mean something else gets cut. But then, something else will probably get cut anyway, right?

The math one: Judge rejects Seattle's high school math program

The funding one: School funding gets an F; judge calls for action

Thanks, TSA!

So the wife is flying off for a long weekend with friends in Ohio tomorrow, and is concerned about what she can and can't carry on the plane. So, being the helpful husband, I told her I'd research it while she volunteered at the school. So I start out at the Delta Airlines site, then get re-directed to the TSA's Prohibited Items page where I proceed to look up the relevant items (knitting needles, tweezers, nail clippers).

Well, my brief search indicates that the knitting will be fine, as will the tweezers and the clippers. But alas, her hopes to get on the plane without checking a bag are going to be thwarted by the ban on sabers. And for the record, why to they split out sabers from swords, when they don't also individually identify other types of sword? Or is my sword knowledge lacking in some way?

Wait...a week?

It's been a week? OK, six days. Still, that's inexcusable. Well, I'm sure there are excuses, but they're lame. So it's clearly time for a quick wrap-up of the past week. Assuming I can remember it. Hmm.

Thursday: No idea what I did last Thursday. Nothing on the calendar other than "work on letters for PTA Auction", and that clearly didn't take all day. I was probably wasting time reading a book (Arms-Commander by L.E. Modesitt, Jr., which if I'm smart I'll get around to reviewing here...).

Friday: Again, no idea. Paige and the kids went skating that night, and I probably stayed home and read. Or watched TV.

Saturday: Finally, a day I remember! Spent the day up at Summit Central skiing. The snow wasn't great, but it wasn't the worst of the season. And it snowed all day, keeping things fairly steady. Spent the morning skiing with my friend Peter (whose kids are in lessons at Webbski as well), and the afternoon skiing with Logan and Maya. All in all we had a pretty good day.

Sunday: Another one I remember! Sunday was the first bout of the new Rat City Rollergirls season. The bout was a combination exhibition, tournament, and charity fund-raiser. They played half-length games in a single-elimination tournament format with the overall winner getting the most money for their charity. My beloved Throttle Rockets got manhandled (or maybe womanhandled) in their first game against the Sockit Wenches, but turned on the afterburners in the second bout and crushed the Derby Liberation Front by some ridiculous score like 90 - 35. I'll get some pictures up here once I get through processing them.

Monday: Back to not much going on. Had a networking call with some former co-workers in the morning, worked on the PTA Auction letters some more, had a delicious lasagna dinner.

Today: Talked to my career counselor (who I have yet to meet) and tried to get my butt back in gear in the job hunting world. Finalized and printed the PTA letters and mailing labels, then after dinner headed over to the school for an open house featuring performances by the daughter (well, the choir of which she is a part, anyway).

And that, pretty much, is that!

Politics and whatnot

So this morning I did something kind of unusual: I actually read the paper. Usually I get it off the porch, scan the front page, scan the front of the sports section, then head for the comics and crossword puzzle. This morning, though, something came over me and I actually started flipping through the front section, and this story caught my eye.

The gist of the story, which was a re-print from the San Francisco Chronicle, is that the "Independent" voters - those who have registered with "decline-to-state" listed as their party - are growing in size rapidly and are playing more of a role in elections. It points to the election of President Obama, as well as the more recent election of Scott Brown to Ted Kennedy's former Senate seat.

What I especially liked about the article was that it highlighted one of the problems we have with the two-party system in the US: The Democrats and the Republicans take any victory as a mandate without looking closely at the why behind the win. To quote from the article:

"Say there is a big defeat for Democrats in November," [Stanford University political scientist Morris Fiorina] said. "The Democrats will say, 'It's because we didn't motivate our base.' Republicans will say, 'We have a conservative mandate.' They're both wrong."

The motivation behind the Independent voters, the article suggests, isn't either party's dogma but more an adherence to a basic set of values, generally fiscal conservatism and social liberalism. In other words, don't spend a lot of money on a big government and leave me alone. Another quote:

So who are these voters and what do they want?

"Independent voters have been deficit hawks since the days of Ross Perot, and they like divided government," said John Avlon, author of the forthcoming book, "Wing Nuts: How the Lunatic Fringe Is Hijacking America." Culturally they are "socially liberal to libertarian. They're alienated by the extremes of both parties."

Independents are turned off by the religious right and the ideological left, even as GOP partisans rampage against "RINOs," (Republicans-in-name-only) and the left's "net-roots" mount their own "DINO" hunts against Blue Dog Democrats.

I was raised a Democrat, and I've mainly voted that party line because there haven't been any decent alternatives (or when there were alternatives I stayed with the Dems because the races were close enough that my vote might actually count for more than in a blow-out election). I've found myself leaning closer to the Libertarian world in the last 10 years or so, but some of their stands (the whole "close the borders and disconnect the phones to the outside world" thing, for instance) and the fact that beyond the local races they tend to nominate whack jobs kept me from formalizing that shift. So maybe I should figure out how to amend my registration and head for the world of "decline-to-state."

Good news for Sounders fans...

Not only do they not have Pete Carroll as a coach, but Freddy Ljungberg has announced he will return to the team!

I'm not a rabid fan...meant to go to a game last year but didn't quite make it. Watched them on TV, though, so I feel in some small way I can celebrate this. Maybe by having lunch.

The problem with the triple play (well, one of them anyway...)

So a little over a year ago we signed up for Comcast's "Triple Play" bundle, combining digital cable TV, high speed Internet and phone in one handy dandy package. At the time it seemed like a convenient way to cut some costs, since the total package price was lower than we were paying for the three services on their own. And since we already had Comcast for the internets and TV action, we only really needed to change the phone.

I won't go in to all the hassles we had getting the billing right...let's just say when a guy from Comcast (or sub-contracted to Comcast) comes to your door and gives you a written document stating what the package will be and what the cost will be don't expect the company to honor it. Unless you take them to court, maybe, which I wasn't willing to do.

Anyhow, my main concern with the whole "voice over cable Internet" thing was what would happen if the power went out. "No problem!" they told me. "The modem has a battery backup, and will stay on for at least 30 minutes after the power cuts out." Which is true, but doesn't answer the second problem: what happens when the CABLE goes out?

This happened today. Cable went out, taking with it the TV, the phone and the Intenets. It was like being plunged in to the depths of the Great Depression with nothing to entertain us but the radio, some books, and sharpening pencils for the kids to sell out of tin cups. But hey, we got them pencils sharpened nicely, I tell you what.

A Sunday of snow

Since the boy and I missed out on the skiing yesterday thanks to the Cleveland HS tour, we grabbed his buddy and headed up the mountain today, Maya in tow. The snow was a bit icy crunchy in the morning, but by about 11 snow had started to fall and things were looking up.

It continued snowing while we ate lunch, getting heavier and fatter, and I pulled out the old face mask thingamabob for the first time this season. The boy decided he'd had enough after lunch, so girl, buddy and I headed back up while he stayed in the car and ate cookies and played NintenDogs. Whatever.

Anyhow, the snow continued to pile up, the crowds began to dissipate, and we had a great afternoon. Buddy borrowed the boy's balaclava hat, the girl and I had our face mask thingies, and we all played the "how much snow can I let build up on my goggles before I have to wipe them or crash" game. Fun for the whole family. Or 1/2 of the family and a friend.

According to the NWS it's supposed to continue snowing through Wednesday, then maybe turn to rain for the weekend...I'm hoping we get some nice cold Canadian air to flow in Thursday afternoon to keep the snowfall going, but I'm not counting on it. Sigh!

A Saturday of variety

Started with education, ended with marriage!

We kicked off the day packing Maya off to ski lessons and taking young Logan Chicken to the open house at Cleveland High to learn about their new STEM program (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math). It looks like a very cool program, although Logan might have trouble choosing which track to pursue (they split things in to Engineering & Technology and Life Sciences & Global Health, but he'd like to take both hard science stuff like physics and computer science and the bio stuff). Fortunately we've got a year to decide, so we're not in a tizzy yet.

Then, after sitting around watching sports and late-nite TV on the DVR all afternoon, we went to our next door neighbor's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony, held in Santoro's Books in Greenwood. Nicely crowded (the store's long and narrow and there were quite a few people there), great toasts, and some darn fine cookies. We split before the cake, though, 'cause the kids needed to get in bed so they'd be rested for tomorrow's skiing. Hopefully they'll have some left-overs we can mooch tomorrow evening!

Our long National Broadcasting Nightmare is over

NBC has finally come to an agreement with Conan to part ways, confirming that they are indeed a network stuck in the early '90s. Personally I'm not a huge fan of either, but I'd take Conan over Leno any day of the week. The only drawback I see of this whole deal is that it only gives Dave, Craig, and Jimmy another week or so to crack jokes about it. Ah well...

Just can't get enough of this...

Well, I probably can, but it's still funny. Thanks, Cute Things Exploding!

For the good Doctor...

Tried to post this yesterday, but YouTube's "share" function apparently didn't want to work. Whatevah. It's just as good a day later!

How 'bout them Jets?

OK, I'll admit it, I'm not a fan of the Jets. Never have been, really. Too young to have idolized Broadway Joe, and that whole Vinnie Testeverde's helmet is a football so the Jets beat the Seahawks thing back in, oh, whatever year that was pretty much sealed the deal. Add to that the fact that, while I'm not a huge Chargers fan, having rooted for the Seahawks and Mariners for years I can totally relate to the beleaguered San Diegans.

So I was naturally rooting for the Bolts this afternoon. And I figured hey, they've got a great chance! They had a bye last weekend, so they're rested. They're playing at home. They've got a great combination in Rivers and Gates. So they should walk away with it, right? Heck the other three home teams didn't have any trouble in their games...

Well, it just goes to show ya. Maybe that Mark Sanchez guy has something going for him after all, 'cause he and the Jets definitely out-played the Bolts today. And as a reward they get to go to Indy next weekend and try to do it again, which puts me in a position that is both freeing and possibly uncomfortable. See, I'm not a big Indy fan either. So I don't know who to root for. Which means I'll probably end up not rooting for either team and just using the game as background noise.

What a difference a week makes!

So as you may recall from last Saturday the Chicken family's last skiing trip wasn't the best. In fact, it was pretty Godaweful from a skiing point of view. From a "have a beer" point of view it was fine. But I was there for the skiing, not the beer.

Flash forward to today and things are much, much better!

The first bonus: no ice. Last week there were roughly 3 feet of ice on the hill, only some of which had been ground up by the grooming machines. This week they'd had time to chew it up and spit it out, and there had actually been some new snow during the week, in addition to the rain.

Second bonus: all the chairs were running! Last week we started out with two, then added a third, then it was beer time. This week after dumping the kids at their lessons it was off to the Central Express, then down the hill and east to Silver Fir to play until lunch time. Silver Fir was nicely empty for the first hour or so, and thanks to the ice the faces had been groomed almost flat which played well with my mogul aversion. And even when it started getting more crowded, there's enough room on that side of the mountain that it wasn't that bad.

Third bonus: Logan's friend Gabe came up with us, so after lunch they were able to go off and do their own thing. Which I'm sure they found to be way more fun than skiing with their dads. Maya's young enough that it's not a big pain skiing with dad, although she did spend some time on the Magic Carpet with her friend Junie.

In fact, the only drag of the whole day was that I somehow lost the key to the ski rack when dropping off Gabe and his dad. They say it's not in the driveway, and I have no idea where else it might have gone. So if you see it, let me know!

MLK Assembly: a few production notes

Dear school my Chickeny children attend:

I went to today's Martin Luther King Jr. assembly, and have a few production notes. Hopefully you will take them in the spirit they're intended...

First off, I understand that much of the work was done by the kids, and for this I am truly grateful. It's nice that they get to learn stuff, then turn it in to a message to share with others. That said, here are the notes:

• I understand that you don't want to quash their little creative juices, but if you're going to let 5th graders design stuff in PowerPoint, give them some general style guidelines first. Point out the value of open space. Mention that it's well nigh impossible to read 12 point type when it's projected on a screen. Bring up the fact that, if someone's going to talk along with the slides, you don't have to have all the words on each slide. That's why Bill Gates invented the bullet point.
• Before the teacher, room parent, or whoever it was reads the audio to go with the slide show, have them test the equipment so there aren't huge clunking noises in the recording.
• And while they're at it, maybe they could fact check the script. I'm fairly certain MLK's son wasn't "Martin Luther King Jr. the third." They probably dropped the "Jr." part, I'm guessing.
• For all the parts of the presentation that involve audio, test out the amplification system before you're in the middle of the assembly.

Other than the technical stuff, though, I must say it was quite enjoyable. Keep up the good work!

Runway's back!

Well, one advantage of the big network shift of Project Runway is that while we had a long wait for the last season to start it's only been a month or two since the last finale and we've got a new season starting! And this year the Northwest (well, the Portland area anyway) is representing well with Seth coming from Vancouver (well, his bio says he's from San Diego, but I think he's in Vancouver now...or was before the show started) and Janine hailing from Portland (again, bio says she's from Willows CA, but I'm guessing that's a home town).

Northwesterners aside, based on tonight's debut it's clear that there's some definite talent, and huge potential for pressure-induced freakouts. Whee!

The daughter's first forray into script writing

So Miss Maya Chicken had quite the busy time last weekend...she started out with a roller-skating birthday party on Friday night, followed it up with some icy skiing on Saturday, had a friend spend the night Saturday night, then had another friend over for a playdate Sunday afternoon.

At some point during the slumber party (before the slumbering, that is), the girls asked to use the camcorder. They were making videos of various Webkinz and Maya's new Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster and having a fine old time. At some point I'll load them up to YouTube or something, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Anyhow, the video madness continued the next day when friend #2 came over. Only this time, instead of just madcap ad-libs, they scripted it out. And I now present for your reading pleasure that script (with formatting and spelling close to the original):
 

BOBBYJACK GOES TO SCHOOL
One day BOBBYJACK went to school.
BOBBY asked a playground teacher "When does school start"?!right now!Then JACK ran over to BOBBY. "its time for school!"I know. When they got to there classroom BOBBYJACK
SAID GOOD BYE AND LEFT SCHOOL!THE END.

Oh, and to add to the setting I should mention that BOBBY and JACK (and possibly BOBBYJACK...I'm still not clear if that's another character or some weird amalgamation) are monkeys. Monkeys portrayed by 9-year-old girls wearing home-made monkey masks.

Cider? Why yes, thank you!

So I went out for dinner and a beer with a couple friends tonight, mainly as an excuse to hear them bitch about their jobs (one of the drawbacks of being unemployed is I miss the "my job sucks" bitch-fests...sure, being unemployed sucks, but everyone knows that so there's no fun in whining about it). I'm not a big beer guy, but since my buddy Dave is we headed down to Naked City in Greenwood. I'd been there once before, but since then they'd started brewing on the premises. Which makes it all better, apparently.

Anyhoo, after trying someone's "Whip Ale", a passable pale that wasn't sphincter-tighteningly hoppy like my beer geek friends all like, I noticed at the bottom of the tap sheet a "dark dry cider" and figured "Hey, I used to drink cider when I was in England in college, so I'll try that!"

Dark was right...it was similar in color to the Whip Ale. And it was plenty dry. But very tasty. If I'd been as big a cider nerd as my friend Dave is a beer nerd I would have better words for it. I also would have taken a picture of it with my phone to add to the documentation. But I'm not, so I just enjoyed it.

Head cold, day 2

Not surprisingly, much the same as day 1: runny nose and sneezing. Today's remedies included more large doses of vitamins C and D and the use of the always soft Costco brand TP instead of the soggy handkerchief for the nose blowing.

Today's additional mysery was random pains shooting through my body when I sneezed. This only happened twice, thank God, but clearly it's a sign that I am now officially middle-aged. When you think you might have thrown your back out sneezing you know things are on the down-hill slope. Sigh.

Today's side-effect of the cold is that I have no ideas for the blog. So I'm prattling on about my illness. Well, at least it's taking my mind off not working...

A cold? Really?

You'd think if I was going to get sick in this winter of the Swine Flu Pandemic it would be the good ol' H1N1, but nooooo! I get stuck with a stupid cold! H1N1 did roll through the house around Halloween...the wife was down for a good 5 solid days, followed by a week of slow recovery. The kids each missed school - Maya for 3 days or so, Logan closer to a week. But somehow I got away with a little mild vertigo and some aches. Apparently the fates are getting back at me now by making my nose run all day.

Oh well...at least the misery of my inflamed nostrils is distracting me from the pain of the Cowboys still being alive in the playoffs.

First day of ski lessons + freezing rain overnight = beer for me

So if you were following me on the twitters today you're aware of the rough details, but here's the full-fledged report. 'cause I know you care...

Today was the first day for the young Chickens' ski lessons this season. The weather forecast was iffy for Snoqualmie Pass: last night was the classic "wintery mix" of snow, sleet, rain and freezing rain. So we left plenty of time for traffic and picking up the other kids and parents coming along, then proceeded to run in to almost no traffic at all. Which meant we got there with plenty of time to spare. Yay that!

We trudged up to the Holiday chair at the mighty Summit Central, stood in a very short line on really crusty chopped up snow, and rode on up the hill. I got on ahead of the kids and told them I'd meet them at the ski school chalet, so I headed off across the mountain. At this point I realized that this would likely be a short day for ol' Scott Chicken. First, I'd left the backpack with the snacks and hot water in the car. Second, that backpack also had my low-light goggles. Third, it was pretty dim / flat and the goggles I had on weren't helping much. Fourth, and most importantly, it was like skiing on an ice rink. A very bumpy, sloped ice rink.

The areas where the grooming machines had chewed things up weren't bad, but anywhere else was nasty. And the route from the top of Holiday to the chalet went over a few such places.

We all survived the traverse, although Miss Maya was a bit shaken by her inability to maneuver on the ice. We met up with our friends, who had by now secured their rental gear, and waited for teachers to show up.

As I stood there I noticed that it looked like there were only two chairs running, both of them on the "easy" runs. Hmm...things were not looking good for me, let alone the lessons. The teachers finally arived and confirmed my fears: the upper mountain was closed until they could get things groomed a bit better. Turns out the freezing rain hit around 5 AM and destroyed everything they'd done the night before. The classes would head over to the other, less used and slightly steeper beginner chair and that would be that.

Well, since I wanted no part of that I hung out for a while watching the first-timers learn to ski and snowboard, talking to a teacher whose class hadn't shown up, and killing time. Eventually they opened the "Triple Sixty" chair and I figured I'd give it a shot. This chair, for those of you not familiar with the Summit, climbs to a ridge about 3/4 up the mountain. At the top you can go right and down a steep face, left and down a steep face, or left down a cat track to a less steep bowl area. The faces were closed, so I and everyone else funneled down the very icy cat track. If you've never skiied or snowboarded on ice you don't know what you're missing...loud scraping sounds, little directional or speed control, painful to fall on, it's everything you could ask for. The bowl was a little better, since they'd chopped up a few wide swaths with the groomers, but not good enough to stay on the hill.

So after that run I took my skis back to the car, changed out of my ski boots, grabbed the back pack, and went to the lodge for a beer. The only problem was that I'd left my book (Darksong Rising by L.E. Modesitt Jr.) at home. Ah well...

Finally met the kids back at the chalet at 12:30 when their lessons were over. They'd had a good time, although the chair stopped running at some point and they had to climb the hill the old fashioned way. And the other kids, all of whom were in their first lessons ever (two former skiiers trying snowboarding, one brand new skiier) also had great times. And hey, I got to enjoy a guilt-free SnowCap!

Hey, whataya know?

So you remember how yesterday (or earlier today, depending on when you read it) I was saying that we couldn't take any orders for the Girl Scout Cookies? Well, now we can. Pre-order season started today. If you're in the Seattle area we'll deliver. If you're not, well, either find a local dealer or pay some shipping. Here's this year's line-up, in order of my faves to my least faves:

1. Thin Mints: The classic chocolate mint cookie, made with natural pepermint rather than that nasty wintergreen or spearmint
2. Trefoils: The original Girl Scout cookie, I think...shortbread formed in the shape of the Girl Scout trefoil logo thingamabob
3. Lemon Chalet Creme: A sandwich cookie made with ginger cookies and lemony creme
4. Dulce de Lece: According to the Little Brownie Bakers who make 'em, "Inspired by the classic confections of Latin America, these sweet, bite-size cookies are rich with milk caramel chips."
5. Samoas: I'm not a big fan, but I'll eat 'em if I have to. Vanilla cookies with chocolate, coconut and caramel. Some swear by them, but I'm not that in to the coconut thing.
6. Thank U Berry Munch: I reviewed this one yesterday. Buyer beware.
7. Do-Si-Dos: Another sandwich cookie, this time with oatmeal cookies and peanut butter filling. Not my thing, but whatever.
8. Tagalongs: Again according to the Little Brownie Bakers, these are "Tasty cookies topped with creamy peanut butter and covered with a luscious chocolaty coating." Seems like a waste of perfectly good cookies and chocolate to me, but hey, those not violently alergic to peanuts apparently love 'em.

I think the cookies are $4 a box. If you want some, shoot me an e-mail or leave a comment with your order!

Girl Scout cookies

Hey, in case you don't have Girl Scout Cookie season highlighted on your calendar, it's coming up. And I thought I'd warn you that the new flavor blows. It's called something like "Fruity Crunch" or "Very Berry Crunch" or something. Hang on, I'll check...OK, I went to the web site since I'm too lazy to walk upstairs to look...it's "Thank U Berry Much". The label states it "contains real cranberries". The web site claims it's also got gratitude in it, which leads me to believe that gratitude doesn't taste nearly as good as you might think.

So what DOES it taste like, you ask? Well, the wife described it as strawberry Pop-Tart (which, by the way, you can now buy online), but I think it's more stale Crunch Berry (which are also available online) in cookie form. The cookie itself is crumbly and dusty, the fruit doesn't taste like a cranberry, the whole thing is a mess. I say stick with the classic Thin Mints, Trefoils, or the delightful Lemon Chalet Cremes.

Now that I've got you drooling, you'll have to wait...can't take orders yet, but don't worry. Once we can, I'll be sure to let you know!

First book review of the year

Santa was good to me, and gave me a copy of Craig Ferguson's book American on Purpose. I've been a fan of Craig's since his work as Mr. Wick on The Drew Carey Show, although I must admit I kind of lost track of him once the show went off the air. I remember he was up for the Late Late Show when Kilborne decided to quit, and I'd occasionally catch the show when I couldn't sleep, but it wasn't until this last spring that I realized two important things: first, he's goddamn funny, and second, I have a DVR and could watch the show whenever I wanted.

Over the summer Craig started plugging his book, having various celebs read exerpts from it. It sounded funny, and more importantly it sounded like he wasn't sugar-coating things. And if you know anything of Craig's story (which, now that I've read the book, I do) you know he's no saint. Had he been born 20 years later and pulled the same alcohol and drug-fueled stunts in the '90s and '00s he would have been all over TMZ (or the Scotish / English equivalent). But hey, back in the '70s and '80s such behaviour was, if not approved, I suppose accepted. And he managed to get clean and sober before the booze killed him, for which I am (and you should be) grateful.

So, how's the book you ask? Great. It's funny, it's touching, and it's a great insight into his life. But two things really stand out for me.

First is the glimpse it offers into the world of the functioning (and at times non-functioning) alcoholic, something I know almost nothing about. I know a number of recovering addicts, both those who go completely dry and those who now drink occasionally, but I don't really know what they went through, what it was like to need a drink or a shot. And while I still don't know what that's like first-hand, I feel I have a better grip on it than I did before.

Second, it gives an outsider's view on what makes the U.S. a great country. The final chapter shares the book's title, "American on Purpose," and is a great explanation of why Craig, who probably could have had a very nice life and career had he stayed in the UK, chose to emigrate and why he eventually chose to become a naturalized citizen. It sums up a lot of what I feel as a natural-born citizen, sentiments that weren't popular (and may still not be popular) during the Clinton and Bush administrations. And since I can't explain it nearly as well, here's a quote (from page 265 of the hardback edition, if you want to look it up...):

It seemed to me that American patriotism had been hijacked by politicians who used it for their own jingoistic ends, and I wanted to use my television show to get away from that. I wanted to get back to the image of the gum-chewing GIs who brought swing dancing, fruit, and hope to Scotland when my parents were kids. I wanted to share the feeling I got when I received my big color poster from NASA in the mail. I wanted as many native-born Americans to understand the thrill and exhilaration that comes from joining the land of the free.

If this sounds trite I don't give a rat's ass. I believe in it. America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual but because we are always our own most effective voice of dissent. The French may love Barack Obama but they didn't fucking elect him. We did.

We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then good. I'm glad we're in America and don't have to opress each other over it.

We're not just a nation. We're not an ethnicity. We are a dream of justice that people have had for thousands of years.

So long, Mr. Unit!

Randy Johnson is retiring. It's been a while since I've seen him live, but I still remember his outstanding play as a Mariner. I was there when he threw the first no-hitter in franchise history, and I was there in '95 when he came out of the duggout to face down Black Jack McDowell in game 5 against the hated Yankees. Always thought he'd make an amazing closer, but I guess 22 years in the bigs was enough for him!

Happy Birthday, Maya!

Today miss Maya Chicken turned a whopping 9, and was showered with gifts and cake. As you recall from the previous Maya's birthday post, her cake was a disaster and we loved it. So this year's cake design was a pre-made disaster: two yellow cake rounds in a bowl with chocolate mousse between them. This year, unlike last year, the mousse set up so we could have made it a "real" cake. But it's better this way. Honest.

Finally, a new show I might actually watch!

OK, the odds are actually pretty small, but you have to love the concept of Conveyor Belt of Love on ABC at 10 tomorrow (Monday, January 4th). Here's what ABC has to say about it:

In this hilarious and fast-paced one-hour special, one by one the 30 men are presented on the Conveyor Belt of Love to the five women and given 60 seconds to impress them. If a woman is interested in someone, that man will step aside and wait as the rest of the men go by. But if another man comes by on the belt who seems better than that woman's first choice, she can swap out the man waiting off of the belt as many times as she wants until the last man has passed by. If two or more of the women are interested in the same man, the tables turn and the man on the conveyor belt gets to choose which one he would like to wait for. After all 30 men have made it through the Conveyor Belt of Love, each woman is left with her final choice as she embarks on a date in the hope of finding a true connection. Will these five women be happy with their choices?

What they don't say is that the 25 dudes who are rejected stay on the conveyor belt as it moves through the hallway with rotating knives where they're processed into hash and eventually fed to the pit bulls rescued from Michael Vick's house.

Clearly I'm in the wrong line of work

Although technically, since I'm unemployed and all, I'm not really in ANY line of work...still, I think I should have skipped business school and started a fundamentalist Christian church. Hell, I played a revivalist preacher in the play Tent Meeting in college (here's a link to a New York Times review of a 1987 production by the original cast...I'm sure they did a FAR better job than we did).

Anyhow today the story hit that Rick Warren, founder of the Saddleback Church down in SoCal, raised $2.4M after making a plea for donations 'cause the church was $900 grand in the hole.*

$2.4 million would definitely taste good right about now, but I don't think I could handle the job. For one thing, I don't own enough suits. And while that kind of folding money would buy me quite a few, the real problem is I don't enjoy wearing them. And from what I've seen if you're going to be a TV preacher you really need to wear a suit.

So I guess it's back to Monster.com with me!

*Oh, and speaking of holes, as a side note Dan Savage, editor of The Stranger, author of the Savage Love sex advice column, and promoter of the term "Santorum" as a nasty byproduct of anal sex, facilitated the re-defining of "Saddlebacking" back in January as a reaction to Pastor Warren's stance on premarital sex among other things. Click the link for the definition, but here's the word used in context: After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage. And lest you think the phenomenon is made up, I have second-hand knowledge from a fairly trusted source that it's not.

The return of Blog 365

So clearly the Chicken Blog has laid fallow for far too long. Looking back at 2008 it appears I published a whopping 25 posts. Maybe 24, since I think one I started on then never finished and published. So for 2010 I'm going to try to get back to throwing something down every day.

And to start things off on this January 1st of the year MMX, a video! Not by me, mind you, but by my far more creative son. He created this back in 2006 when he was all of, um, 9. I helped a bit with the movements, and I dropped the stills in to Adobe Premier Elements to create the animation, but the rest was him. And now, 4 years later, it's hit enough views that it's eligible for Google's AdSense advertising. Which means that in another 4 years we'll be able to buy a new Lego dude. Or at least a hand.

Merry Christmas! Here's a couple videos

So Logan creates stop-action movies on occasion, and over the last couple days he cranked out these. First up, the kitties (Fog, Ginger, Creamsicle and Frangles) catch a bus, then a few other vehicles:



Then the rest of the stuffed animals joined in and had quite the tree-trimming hoedown:

A fine Star Wars edit

Man, whoever put this together is a freaking genius, I must say. Because really, given what crappy shots the Storm Troupers are, shouldn't we expect the targeting systems in the Death Star to be a bit, well, off?

Maybe that 2nd Ammendment thing isn't so crazy after all...

Ex-soldier faces jail for handing in gun

This is freakin' cool...

I'll add this to the list of jobs I'm not applying for but am darn glad someone's doing.

Why did I just find out about this today?

I mean really...isn't someone supposed to alert me about things this awesome? (sorry about the ads...it's Hulu, what do you want? It's worth the wait.)

WTF, Germany?

As if the whole plasticized corpse thing wasn't creepy enough the last time it rolled through town, now Body Worlds plans a cadaver show dedicated to sex.

So, is it still necrophilia when it's two corpses getting it on? Oh, wait, that's not the idea:

"It's not my intention to show certain sexual poses. My goal is really to show the anatomy and the function," Body Worlds creative director Whalley told Reuters in an interview, adding the sex exhibition may open next year.

Hold it...reading further it appears that this time they're avoiding corpses getting it on because they've already done that in another show called "Cycle of Life".

And so I repeat: WTF, Germany?

First day of school!

Wait...it's September already? Damn! And I haven't even finished my recap of August's bike trip and Scout camp. Hmm...may have to do that today or tomorrow.

Meanwhile, today was the first day of school, so here's this year's proof that the kids are indeed getting bigger!

Maya missed out!

So a week ago Maya had three choices: She could come camping at Dosewallips with her mom, brother and me (and a bunch of other families from the Troop), she could go to Steamboat Rock with a friend's family for 5 days of sun, swimming, biking and boating, or she could stay in town and skate with the Tootsy Rollers at the Rat City bout in Kent. She, being a smart kid, chose option B and headed to Eastern Washington. Maybe if she'd known she'd be on TV if she played Derby that weekend she would have changed her mind...

A nice misty morning in camp

Today's view. Would be a better contrast shot if I'd taken one earlier when it was sunny...

The bestest puppet of all

Is Wavey, the waving crocodile!

My day in Studio City

Or is that "Television City"? One of those. Anyhow, here's a rundown of the day:

3:30 AM: Alarm goes off. It's a clock radio and the tuner isn't actually on a station, so I wake up to static and some kind of mariachi music. I smack the snooze bar, doze for another 8 minutes, then get up and get dressed: jeans, my "PLINKO 1983" shirt Penny made for me, and a sweatshirt.

3:50 AM: Get in line. Penny and Cheryl show up about 3 minutes later and we settle in to wait until 6 when they're supposed to hand out the early arrival passes.

3:50 - 6 AM: We wait. Around us are two sets of twins (two 38-year-old guys from the LA area and two women from Maryland), a bunch of people with "Drew Zoo" shirts, and a woman and her father from Bermuda. Or maybe Barbados. One of those "B" islands. At some point in there I went to the mini-mart across the street to get a bottle of water, and around 6 Penny went and got the first of three bagels I would eat today: Cinnamon Raisin, plain.

6:15ish AM: They finally hand out the early arrival pass things that will land us our spot in line, and tell us to come back at 8. Wait...8? The paperwork all says 10! I was expecting a 3 hour nap! WTF???? No, it's 8. Crap.

6:30 AM: I collapse back in bed, alarm re-set for 7:30. I doze for an hour or so.

7:30 AM: Back up, shower, try to wake up, get dressed again, head back over to CBS for "processing".

8:00 AM: We find out why we had to show up 2 hours early: Today they're taping the first shows of the 38th season, and they've brought in an event photography company to take our pictures in front of a green screen. Hmm...wonder if it's the same color as my green shirt? No, not quite. They line us up by line number (47-49), Erin the Page writes out our name tags, and we sit down to wait.

8:45ish AM: We move in to the line to get our photos taken. I chose the PLINKO background to go with my PLINKO shirt, and end up looking like a tool. Not that that's a stretch, mind you...I'll post the picture to show my tool-ness as soon as I find it on the web site.

9:00 - 11:00 AM: We slide down to Bob Barker Parkway or Pavilion or something else that starts with "P", sit on yet another bleacher, and fill out some paperwork - a number card that identifies us, and a small bio card. We then get interviewed by a show producer, get our head-shots taken, and somewhere behind the scenes they decide who gets to COME ON DOWN!!! Spoiler alert: it's none of us. Oh, and somewhere in here I get my second bagel of the day (Cinnamon Raisin again, this time with cream cheese).

11:15 - 12:15 or so: We move around the corner after our interview and sit on the third bleacher of the day, this one right up against a wall. Easier on the back, but no room to slouch. And I'm a sloucher. So not the most comfortable seat. We are repeatedly reminded that once we're in the studio there will be NO BATHROOMS, so we'd better get our business done now. Which I do, having the old "pre-game bladder" action going on.

12:15ish: We finally get to climb the stairs to the studio to ooh and ah at the new set while dancing to disco music. Studio announcer Rich Fields comes out, grabs 8 people out of the crowd to dance on stage to get us more riled up, and then it's show time.

12:45ish - 2:15: The show tapes. Some things you should know:

1. It's really loud in the studio. To the point where there's no way in heck you'll hear Rich call out your name. So you have to watch the two cue-card guys on stage with the cards with your name. I watch, and they don't have my name.
2. If you look at the back operator ends of the cameras, they've got a map of the audience with the locations of the players marked out. From this you can get a fairly good idea if you're going to be called down or not.
3. Sitting in the middle down close is cool, 'cause you end up in a lot of the shots. But it's less cool, 'cause the contestants block many of the prizes and games.
4. If I HAD been called down, and if I HAD won the chance to win the first car (an Impala, I think, or maybe a Charger) in the "Lucky 7" game, I would have won it. Because dude, I was 4 for 4 picking numbers. You can ask anybody.
5. If the prize involves a computer, and you ask for clarification on what the computer is, and they then tell you the wrong brand, you win the whole dang prize. A guy was bidding on a desk, chair, and PC. They said it was a Dell and he blew it in the "push over" game by like $4,000. Turns out it was actually an HP, so he won the whole prize, worth about $9,000. Naturally, the money was all in the desk and chair, since I can't imagine an HP is that much more expensive than a Dell with similar components.
6. Yelling and clapping over and over for that long is tiring. Especially when it's done on little or no sleep.

2:15 or so: Show's over and we head out. I check at the ticket booth to find out when I should come back to line up for tonight's Late Late Show taping and find out I've got about 30 minutes to change and eat. So it's back to the Rodeway, in to my slacks and dress shirt, stop at the Bagel Broker for bagel #3 (whole wheat, cream cheese, turkey and lettuce) and a large diet coke, then it's back to CBS to stand in more lines. This one is shorter, and less giddy. I go in, get put in line 1, and park it on another bleacher.

3:15 - 4:15: I sit on said bleacher, with occasional breaks to buy schwag (TPIR and Late Late Show mugs) and pee. Because again, there are no restrooms inside CBS. Apparently everyone has to leave the building to take a leak.

4:15ish: The audience wrangler comes down and tells us what to expect: We're at a comedy TV show, not a comedy club, so laugh but don't mouth off...don't whoop over your city, college, etc...cheer loud, laugh loud, and don't be an idiot. Shortly after that the head audience wrangler "Chunky D" (a white guy) comes down, tells a couple jokes, and we head up stairs.

4:30ish: We make our way up two flights of stairs (that, thanks to the height of the studios, is really more like 3 or 4 flights) and in to the small studio where the Late Late Show is taped. I end up sitting in the front row, far stage right, next to a woman and her daughters. They're from Baltimore. The youngest daughter (didn't get an age...I'd guess 16 or 17) is named Paisley Somethingorother. Given her age, and the fact that I'm sitting by her mom, I don't make any comment about the fact that she's got a stripper name. Paisley is blonde, which comes in to play in about 15 minutes.

4:45 PM: Chunky D comes out to warm us up. He's fairly funny - not funny enough to turn pro, but funny enough to get people who are there to laugh laughing. He runs us through the "Laugh like hell" signs he'll give us during the taping, then proceeds to test it out with some bad jokes. Many of these are blonde jokes, which Chunky then explains carefully to Paisley to make sure she got them.

5:00 PM: It's time to make television! Things kick off with a montage video from the show, then Craig comes out and does his monologue. It, as always, is hilarious and my stomach starts to hurt. From there they do a couple of the e-mail bits (one for tonight, one for Thursday), then out comes Marion Cotillard, French actress and babe extraordinaire, out to plug her new movie with Johnny Dep. She's beautiful, she's got a delightful accent, and she mispronounces "focus" so it sounds like "fuckus". Craig doesn't let that one go. Next up is Village Voice gossip columnist Michael Musto, who talks about gossip columnism in the world of the Internets.

6:00 PM: Show's over, my gut hurts like hell, and it's time for dinner. No more bagels, now it's time for real food: Subway veggie sub and a lemonade. Then hang on the bed, make some calls, and surf the net before passing out for the night. Whew!

T minus 5 hours or so

Until I'm supposed to wake up, that is. 3:30 the alarm goes off. Then I head across the street to CBS studios to wait in a line to get a pass to wait in another line to maybe be picked to sit in on a taping of The Price Is Right. Apparently the key is to be excited and energetic...not sure I can pull that off on the 2 hours of sleep I'll probably have, because let's face it, my body clock is now adapted to the 1 AM - 8 AM sleep pattern, not the 10 PM - 3:30 AM sleep pattern.

Then again, maybe if I actually shut down the computer and turned off the TV I'd fall asleep...I suppose it's worth a try, right? Right!

And yes, I'll file a full report tomorrow night after it's all over.

Happy birthday, Logan!

The last birthday before the teens has come and gone. The cake is eaten (well, a quarter of it anyway), WeSki has been played, now all that's left is to wait for Friday when the annual Funtasia + Slumber Party occurs. We'll see how late the boys stay up this year...will they match the record of 5 AM set two years ago? Or will things peter out at midnight or so like last year? I'm thinking somewhere inbetween, although one never knows...

Anyhoo, here's the latest update to the photo string!

One week, three movies

So one of the few advantages of being unemployed is the freedom to go to mid-week matinees. And I'll be honest, I haven't been availing myself of this little benefit nearly as much as I should. So this week I set out to make up for some lost time.

First up, on Tuesday, was the mighty X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the film that provides the back story for Wolverine and Sabertooth, as well as some of the other Uncanny X-Men. Overall I give it a thumbs up. Good action, nice to get some pre-Adamantium Wolverine action, and great to finally see Gambit make the move to the big screen (and Taylor Kitch, the guy who plays Riggins on Friday Night Lights, definitely did him justice). The effects were great, with one exception: Victor / Sabertooth. His fighting was fine, he's a great actor, and I loved the claws, but the scenes where he's jumping around on all fours like a cat just weren't smooth. Because hey, people just don't run around like that. Fortunately that was a minor part of the movie, and didn't affect my overall enjoyment.

After resting up for a couple days I headed out Friday afternoon to watch Star Trek. I'd seen an interview with JJ Abrahms on Attack of the Show and had somewhat of an idea what was going to happen, but was pleasantly surprised anyway. The story held together as well as any Star Trek story ever does, and the actors playing the classic characters were all good and definitely putting their own mark on things. Well, maybe not so much with Karl Urban, who had a bit too much DeForest Kelley popping through in his Bones McCoy. Then again, there are only so many ways you can say "Dammit, Spock, I'm a doctor not a physicist!" All in all, it was a good reset to the story line, and it's fairly clear that these guys will all have jobs for years if they want them.

And finally to round out the week the fam and I went to the mighty Crest Cinemas to catch Coraline for a whopping $3 a ticket (plus $12 for the monster popcorn and monster soda, each of which was refilled). We hadn't read the book, but had seen the previews / ads, and I'd heard an interview with the author and director (maybe? Someone on the movie side) on "The Sound of Young America" and so knew a little something about it. And it had recieved good reviews both from the pundits and from the Moes. And did I mention it was $24 for the 4 of us, drinks and corn included? Anyhow, it ruled. Beautiful movie, amazing stop-motion claymation stuff, very interesting story, and Ian McShane as a crazy Russian mouse-trainer. Well worth the $3, and I'm pretty sure we would have been happy had we paid full price at a first-run theater.

So, all in all a good week at the theater. Don't think I'll repeat it this week, 'cause the only stuff I'm interested in at the moment is at the Crest and they only run in the evenings during the week and we're booked solid. But it's OK...I really should focus on the job hunting, and trying to figure out how to line up freelance clients!

Jinkies!

"Last post: April 14th". That's like, um, 10 days ago. Man, I've really fallen off the ol' blogging band-wagon, haven't I? Probably time to do some catching up...

Let's see, what's new? I'm still unemployed, for one thing. Did I mention that I was laid off? I think I did...if I didn't, well, I was. Last day was January 29th. Since then I've been fruitlessly applying to jobs, collecting unemployment, and thinking about becoming a freelance designer. What kind of design, you ask? Mainly PowerPoint, 'cause that was my bread and butter for the last four years or so. The trick is going to be marketing the service and building the need. Because hey, any monkey can put some words on a slide, right? Ah, but are they the right words? And are there pretty pictures and whatnot in there along with them to really get the point across? Anyhow, I need to get off my butt and start working out the marketing plan and whatnot, and more importantly compiling some kind of a portfolio.

In fact, that was going to be my focus this past week, but instead I decided to get sick. Or, rather, the sickness I was fighting most of the week before decided it wasn't done with me yet and instead was ready to get worse. So after a week of feeling mildly crappy, this past week I felt REALLY crappy. And it's hard to focus on marketing strategies or portfolio creation when you keep having waves of vertigo wash over you.

I was feeling a bit better today...not 100%, but probably up to 60 or so. Well enough to spend the day in the car driving around Whidbey Island scouting out a biking route for an overnight trip I'm leading next weekend with Logan's troop. Should be fun, if painfully hilly. It's only 25 miles each day, but I am in crappy shape and I don't think the kids are much better. Well, that's not quite true...they're young, so naturally they're in better shape than me. That said, I'm expecting them to walk up more hills than me. Because they may be in better shape than I am, but I'm way more stubborn than they are.

Whah?

Oh Woody, Woody, Woody...From the fine folk at CNN.com:

"'I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character,' Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

'With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie,' he said."

Fog skiing

It was a lovely day at Mission Ridge Friday. Especially if you like fog. And really, the picture doesn't do it justice. This was taken riding up Chair 1 (1 of 4...), at the base of the mountain. When the kids and I took the high-speed quad chair up to the top of the ridge we REALLY got in the fog. Or, rather, the cloud. I must say, there's nothing quite like heading down a hill you've never skied on and not being able to see more than 10 feet ahead.

That said, it was a great day. Paige hung on the relatively easy slopes of chair 1, the kids joined me for one ride up the quad, then after lunch Logan hung with Paige while Maya braved the fog and wind twice more before joining her brother and mom on the easy stuff while I continued to risk my neck in the fog. We'll definitely go back, and it's another reason to be jealous of our friends who live in Wenatchee!

WTF?

OK, I know I haven't posted in a coon's age, and that to jump back in with a news link and snarky commentary is pretty damn cheap, but I just couldn't resist. Because holy Christ, what kind of moron dreams this up? And was it his idea or hers? Because really, either way, I have to vote dual moron action here.

FOXNews.com - Woman Hospitalized After Sex Power Saw Mishap