Friday, April 11, 2008

Olympics controversy galore!

First, you've got the whole China / Tibet thing. I'm all for Free Tibet...Tibet's been over-priced for years, and I'm sick of paying for it. Tibet, like information, wants to be free and you'd think in this Internet age we'd have all the Tibet we want at our fingertips.
Then there's Marion Jones, who used antelope hormones back in 2000 to make her run faster. Or maybe they were dolphin hormones to help with her underwater breathing. I haven't really been keeping up on that one.
But this story takes the cake. As if the IOC didn't have enough problems what with the corruption and the expensive Tibet and the squat toilets in Beijing, now they have to figure out if a new swimsuit makes people too fast. Spedo has come up with a new suit that has magical properties that make you go faster. So much faster that you don't really have to swim in order to win, and can instead enjoy a sandwich and maybe a dolphin ride (just stay away from Marion Jones). I'm pretty sure this is a picture of the suit, although I'm not sure about the headphones. I think those are only for training.
This has other countries, whose teams are sponsored by other suit manufacturers, in a snit because the fairy dust in their suits only allows them to talk to sea turtles. And they don't come with an underwater electric boomarang. Or Oxygum.
Clearly there is only one answer to all this: They need to roll the Olympics back about 3,000 years or whatever and do the whole thing commando. And by "commando" I naturally mean "nude". There are several plusses:
First, Olympic athletes are all hardbodies (well, maybe not some of those curlers). Second, boobies. Third, flopping junk lends a comic element to the hurdles. Fourth, the beach volleyball people are practically naked already, so no big deal. But most importantly, no more swimsuit controversy.
Oh, actually most most importantly, much higher ratings and a chance for lucrative pay-per-view revenue.
Seriously, I don't know why the IOC hasn't thought of this already...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The swimsuit controversy actually is a big deal. Having a swimsuit that helps you swim faster, is like steriods for some other athletes. It's practically "techno-doping", and I thought the Olympics was all about one's skills. The swimsuit should not be used for any Olympic participants.