Help me help the Heuga Center fight MS!

I've been raising money for the MS cause for years now, initially because I was looking for an excuse to go on a cool bike ride, and then because more and more people I knew were being diagnosed - from my sister to a friend's sister to another friend's wife to, well, lots of people. I took a break from the MS cause in 2006 when I ran the Portland Marathon (and thanks to those who supported me with that cause), but this year I'm back to MS, but with a twist: This year I'm leaving the bike in the shed and strapping on the skis instead.

I'm teaming up with a couple friends to participate in the Heuga Center's Vertical Express for MS, a series of "on-snow events" (mainly skiing, although I think there's some other stuff in there too) at Crystal Mountain in two weeks - February 22nd through 24th. And with just a week to go I'm still a few hundred dollars short of my goal and I'm hoping you can help push me over the edge by following this link here and pledging money on the secure donations page. Seriously, it's that easy.

Thanks for your support!

My latest album

So, been working hard in the studio with the new band, Priscilla Studd, and we're just going to press on our new album* "Else Has Seen You". I'm really happy with the album art, especially the drippy font that gets to the heart of the Priscilla Studd sound. That and the photo of the 80s new wave-looking dude...



*In case you've forgotten the album cover rules, they're here...

Book suggestions?

Just figured I'd put this out there on the off chance anyone reads this crap...so young Logan Chicken is doing a "reading wheel" in class where he's supposed to read books from different genres and write reports on them. So he's done humor (Captain Underpants), he's done SciFi (Restaurant at the End of the Universe), he's done myths and legends (a book of NW Native American fables), and he's working on fantasy (The Book of Three). But he needs others. Other categories are historical fiction, classics, biographies, and a bunch of others I don't remember.

So...any suggestions for a 10-year-old who isn't really in to fiction? One of the biggest hurdles for him is getting past the first "boring" chapter or two, so if it's something that just jumps right in that would be good...

Yet another thing I don't know

And that would be "what the hell is that?" No, not whatever they were talking about in that old SNL sketch that really should be on YouTube but if it is, I can't find it. No, I mean what the hell is this thing?

And then there was one...

One more event as Cubmaster, that is.

Today was the big Pack Pinewood Derby, 3 hours of boys racing cars down a wood track broken up only by a few befuddled senior citizens looking for the Republican Caucus. We offered to let them stay and watch and maybe vote on which car looked the coolest, but they all declined. Probably their loss...they looked like Huckabee supporters. Although they might have leaned toward McCain. Definitely not Ron Paul, who not surprisingly finished 3rd in the Washington caucus (while on the Democrat side of the aisle Obama walked away with like 65% of the delegates...Tina must be ecstatic).

But back to the Cub Scout stuff. Four years ago, when Logan was in 2nd grade, I kind of pushed him in to the Cubs. I'd had fun in Scouts, his friends were in the Den, and so I gave him a nudge. And agreed to be the Den Leader because, well, no one else was really jumping up and down wanting the job and I knew Logan would be more likely to stay in it if I was involved beyond the "parent" role.

The next year I passed the Den off on another guy and moved in to the "Pack Committee Chair" role. This was much better since a) I didn't have to plan two Den meetings a month, b) I didn't have to deal with a bunch of rowdy 8-year-olds whose favorite game was "Kill John", and c) I could handle almost the entire job via e-mail. Man I loves me the e-mail. That gig lasted for about two and a half years, and then last February I was basically thrust in to the spotlight as Cubmaster.

And in retrospect it hasn't been that bad. Yes, I had to deal with the kids again, and a lot more of them than at the Den level, but it was only once a month and I had a lot of help since if they started acting up I could lean on their Den leaders to get them back in line. I still had to plan meetings and stuff, but one meeting a month is way easier than two, especially when you're expected to actually get stuff done during the two Den meetings. The Pack meeting is more of a party.

Which brings me back to "and then there was one..." Just one more meeting, at the end of the month. And it is most definitely a party. There will be desserts. There may be cookie decorating. There will be pins, ribbons and trophies awarded. And Logan and 3 of his Den-mates will receive the Arrow of Light (Cub Scouting's equivalent of the Eagle) and "cross over" in to a Boy Scout troop. Where hopefully he'll have more fun, learn more stuff, and not need me to run the whole show!

Caucus Schmaucus

I know, I know, it's my duty as a good citizen of these United States to vote. Or, in this case, to caucus. And I would, honest, if a) I didn't have other plans, and b) I gave a damn. But I do, and I don't.

The other plans are the all-important Cub Scout Pinewood Derby, Logan's final Derby since he moves on to Boy Scouts at the end of the month. And I feel pretty confident saying that his streak of non-victory will be unblemished since I just can't make a fast car. They look kind of cool, or funny, or whatever, but they just ain't fast.

The not giving a damn isn't as insidious as it sounds...at least not to me. Back in 2004 I caucused for the first time because I was actually inspired. Or, if not actually inspired, maybe just more interested than previously. Anyhow, back then (on the off chance you don't remember 2004), there were 4 candidates still in the running come Washington's turn in the spotlight: Kerry was the front-runner, Dean was still hanging on, Edwards was a strong second, and Kucinich was, well, Kucinich. I was an Edwards man at the time, for two key reasons: First, I liked what he had to say on pretty much all the issues; and second, I had a gut feeling that there was no way in hell the American people would hire a guy who looked like Herman Munster or Lurch and was as condescending as hell to be their President, and it was really important to nominate a candidate that would actually stand a chance of swaying the electorate and convince them to shift the political course mid-war.

So I went to the caucus. The few remaining Deaniacs were fairly easily swayed, but most of them went to the Kerry party. The Kucinich people were definitely a harder nut to crack. There weren't enough to warrant a delegate to the district convention, but we were able to sway a few of them over to the Edwards camp, enough to land us a second delegate spot. Horay for us, we did our caucus job, and Democracy was saved. Or something.

Anyhow, we all know how 2004 turned out...Edwards accepted the VP slot (a huge mistake, in my opinion), and in spite of their self-proclaimed great hair, they lost the general election to GW because a) people didn't want to change horses mid-stream, and b) Kerry continued to look like Lurch and be condescending as hell.

So now we're here in 2008 and I'm not nearly as moved as I was then. It looks like the Republicans are gathering around McCain, and he's not quite as scary as GW. And the Democrats have two strong candidates, either of whom I feel confident can win in November. And while I've heard them both speak, neither of them really moves me quite the way Obama moves Tina or the way Hillary moves whoever it is Hillary moves (white women of a certain age, perhaps? I'm not exactly sure).

So that's why, instead of being at the school fighting for who I think should be the nominee, I'll be across the street watching 7 - 10-year-old boys squeal with glee as their little wooden cars zoom down 40 feet of wooden race track. Whee!!!

Fast and Easy Ordering from Your Mobile Phon

So I get this e-mail from Pizza Hut today (see the screen shot below), touting how fast and easy it is to order a pizza with my mobile phone. And I think to my self, what a wonderful world. No, wait...I think to myself "um...isn't it fast and easy to just call the number I've stored in my phone and tell them what I want?" Apparently not. Apparently it's easier to text message my order in, or use the mobile web.

Who knew?

From the "things I'll never do" file

The latest item on the list: make a functional bicycle out of wood. Like completely out of wood. Well, with the exception of glue, but the glue no doubt had "wood" in its name. The point being, no metal pieces.

No mention in the article about how it rides, but it definitely looks sweet!

More Gondry

Since the Chicken household has a thing for Legos and Lego stop-motion animation, I bring you this...far better than anything we'd ever make!

"Harvesting brains"

Sounds like something a Zombie farmer would do (a farmer who is a zombie, not a farmer who raises zombies...they'd just harvest the zombies). But apparently it's not, and it's leading to some weird new disease. All of which makes me really, really glad I work at a cushy desk job.

Mementos of the past

So John Moe, author of the fine Monkeydisaster blog, is moving to Minnesota to pursue his lifelong dream of living near the Mall of America. As a result, John has sold his house and is now in the process of packing to move, which involves much purging of years and years of crap. As outlined in this post right here.

Well, as a genetic pack rat, and one who hasn't moved farther than 15 miles since coming home from college (which was a whopping 350 miles or so), I haven't done the purging thing, much to my wife's chagrin. So it is that, on a bookshelf in the basement, in addition to some weird drum stick with a rubber dohickey on it that I've had since I was like 17, I have two autographed baseballs.

The ball on the right is an authentic player ball, autographed by legendary Mariner's outfielder Greg "Pee Wee" Briley. This was a gift from Steve Chicken many years ago ('93 or '94, I think), signed at spring training and given to the wife because she was a huge Pee Wee fan (both Briley and Herman).



The ball on the right was signed by Darryl Tarbox, John's character in the play Tent Meeting. John and I (and fellow classmate Erika Rolfsrud) did Tent Meeting as our senior project back in the glory days of college. It was the closest I ever came to being an evangelical preacher, and I was told I was frighteningly realistic. Probably good that I didn't take it up as a profession, or I'd probably have turned out like Ted Haggard. Only with a female prostitute, because I prefer them with my meth.

Anyhow, um, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. I kept the ball. Mostly because it's a good conversation piece, but also because it's a reminder of a great time in my life, working with two actors who so vastly outclassed me that they pulled me up. Maybe not to their level, but definitely above where I would have been otherwise.

I didn't save any photos of the show, but fortunately someone else did. So now I've got more photographic evidence that I did indeed at one time have hair:



Me as Reverend Eddie, no doubt trying to drive the devil out of my son Darryl (John)



Erika as Beckie Ann, devoted daughter and mother of our savior the eggplant (eggplant not pictured)

More video fun

So in addition to being followed around by his poop, filmmaker Michel Gondry is also a wizard at the Rubik's Cube:

Hmm...

Not sure what to make of this. I mean, it's funny and all, but disturbing at the same time. Still, it's hard to beat David Cross...

Wow.

That's all I can say. And not just because it's almost midnight and I might pull off a Galivanting Monkey (a term I'm coining for Tina's plan to post twice in a row just around midnight, thereby killing two days' postings with one stone, if by "stone" you mean "blogging session", if "blogging session" is even what you call this).

Anyhow, the reason for my "Wow" is the latest post on Jason's Blue Moon MySpace Blog. If you don't know Jason, he's the guy who books bands (like, oh, Chicken Starship, the most important rock band in the world) to play at the Blue Moon, possibly the most important dive bar in Seattle. And if you've never read his blog you should.

But you should REALLY read this particular entry, because it's timely, it's not about music (well, not about music performed at the Blue Moon), and the videos are just atrocious. Seriously. I think I could have happily gone through the rest of my life without ever seeing the LA Rams do "Let's Ram It". Or the lilly white folk of Boston singing "New England, the Patriots and You". And possibly worst of all, the Seahawks' own "hit", "The Blue Wave" (or maybe "The Blue Wave Will Be Rockin'". Sing it, Mike Tice! (Side note: Mike Tice was the guest speaker at my Eagle Scout court of honor. I remember nothing that he said, but damn that dude was big...).

Thanks a lot, Denmark!

What did I ever do to you? Whatever it was, I don't think it warranted the invention of furniture you assemble yourself, or all those pegs and weird bolt/toggle things. And don't get me started on the drawers...

That said, Maya loves her new bed, and it's no doubt way cheaper than if we'd bought something pre-assembled. And it was far easier than if I'd done it the hard way, with hours and hours of work trying to mimic Norm Abrahm. But at least with that plan I would have been able to justify buying some new tools...

What the hell is wrong with you people?

The people in question: My children, young Logan and Maya Chicken. The reason for the exclamation? Their agreement that Dare chocolate fudge cookies, a traditional Chicken family treat dating back to the glory days of the 1970s, are "too rich." And "too chocolatey." As if that is even possible...I mean look at the packaging. Does that look too rich or too chocolatey? No, it looks like a nice chocolate sandwich cookie going for a swim in a sea of fudge. And really, who can blame it?

I suppose I will have to keep plying them with Oreos and Teddy Grahams and save the good cookies for myself!

Radio, now with 90% more flames!

So I volunteer with a community radio station (the glorious Northwest Indy Radio and Radio KYA, voice of the downtrodden lefties of Grey's Harbor and bringer of music to Ocean Shores). And while at times I may not agree with the formatting (I'm not a talk radio fan, nor am I usually a fan of anything referred to as "sweetest music"), that's not my job. My job is to talk in to a microphone and hopefully say something entertaining.

Such is not the case for Paul Webster Feinstein down in Austin. Paul clearly cares a lot about the music and content on his station. And I'm sure if I were doing more than voice tracking from my basement I might care too. But I doubt that I would react the same way Paul is alleged to have reacted when his music stylings were overridden by some other volunteer...maybe it's just my passive-aggressive nature, maybe it's the fact that the studio is like 100 miles from my house, but I would never resort to arson to solve my problem...

Well, at least I don't do this...

I've been known to tie one on on occasion, but I have never drunk-driven my riding mower to the liquor store to stock up. Might be because I don't have a riding mower, or it might be because I'm always sure to stock up before the binge. One of those.

In the mean time, here's another album cover, 'cause I'm bored and uninspired. It's by Christopher Cross' lesser-known brother Simon. I think it's kind of new-agey, based on the watter droplets and the English spelling of "Labour". It's also in some weird long-format packaging, so I'm not sure it will play in my CD player.

What a difference a day makes

So yesterday it was all sunshine and light, hummingbirds and blue sky. Then this morning I woke up to this:







Heck, even the guys at JiffyLube got in to the spirit (sorry for the crappy cell phone photo, but hey, I was in the car...)!

Hummingbirds??? Hummingbirds!

Quick check of the calendar...yep, still January. But hey, it was sunny today, and not super cold - probably upper 30s or 40 or so. So why the heck shouldn't we have 5 or 6 hummingbirds flying around in the back yard? No reason, that's what.

Tried to get pictures of them in flight but I'm just not good enough. So here are a couple just hanging out (I don't think they're the same one, but I'm not enough of a birder to know):

The drive home, a recap

So if I were a good bloger I would have thought to pull out the ol' camera phone and snap some pictures on the way down from skiing today, but I'm not and I didn't. Oh, and I had my hands full of steering wheel. So here's the recap in words, rather than in pictures.

First, the drive up: Uneventful. Met Dave and Kelsey at the Preston P&R at about 8:20, loaded them in the car, and continued on up to Snoqualmie. At the top of the pass it was 15 degrees and snowing lightly. By the time we got on the Silver Fir chair it was snowing slightly harder, but not too bad. By the time we dropped the kids off for ski lessons it was definitely cold and definitely snowing. Being a good dad I gave Logan my face covering thingy to keep him warm, figuring the beard might protect me.

It didn't. It just filled up with snow and ice, making my face colder and colder. Because it kept snowing, and in fact got harder as the day went on. By the time we got to the car (probably 12:45 or 1) there was at least an inch of snow on the car. Nice and dry, powdery stuff, but snow nonetheless.

The kids were cold and grumpy, so we decided to bail on the afternoon and head back down. Which is where the fun started.

The traffic wasn't too bad until we got past the Summit West on-ramp and the long descent down the pass. Not super crowded, and everyone was being relatively smart - no nutjobs in SUVs driving 60 when the rest of us are going 30 - but mostly because the visibility blew and the road was pretty much covered with snow. And it had warmed all the way up to like 17 degrees. But over the top of the pass and heading down the west side the snow started getting wetter. Which made it stick more to the windshield and the wipers. Which led to the wipers getting iced up, which in turn led to me not really being able to see much out the windwhield. Which, when you're going down a relatively straight freeway at like 25 miles an hour, isn't that big of an issue. I mean, it's not like I had to worry about running over pedestrians or something...

The really weird thing about today's drive was that the lower we got, the worse the conditions. The snow got wetter and heavier, the roads got more covered, and the windshield got more ocluded. Eventually, with the heat on high defrost and the wipers on full, things melted up enough to start shaking off some of the ice and snow and I was finally able to see. Kind of. Traffic sped up a bit, but not enough to be dangerous, and finally we got low enough that it turned to rain and all was right in the world.

Amazingly, we only saw one accident. Even more amazingly, it was below the snow line. All I can think is that the guy saw that there wasn't any snow on the road any more, punched it, then hit some ice or something and boom: it's off the road and up the hill for you, sir!

Yet again, I got nothing.

And worse yet, I don't feel like doing another album cover. So instead, this. Further proof that I just don't play the right slot machines.

In other news, tomorrow's weather forecast for Snoqualmie Pass actually looks decent! While there's snow in it, it's also cold enough that we might not get soaked before lunch and actually get to ski in the afternoon. w00t!

"Too cold to walk"

That seems kind of weak as an excuse for stealing a car. Especially when you were on your way to a court-ordered counseling program aimed to keep you away from stealing cars.

But hey, the kids are 16 and 17, and it was 40 below outside, so maybe it is a valid excuse.

What really gets me about this story, though, is this part: "...the city has introduced a program where high-risk offenders are called as often as every three hours to ensure they are not out stealing cars."

WTF? There's enough money in the Winnipeg Police Department budget to pay someone to call potential car thieves 8 times a day and make sure they're not boosting a car? What, do they outsource these calls to Bangalore or something?

Thanks, guy on the bus!

I really enjoyed having "California Dreamin'" stuck in my head all day. But I have to ask...doesn't having the volume on your iPod high enough that I can hear it across the aisle make it hard to hear? Or are you related to Edgar Montrose (pictured here)? 'Cause you didn't really look like him, but that could be because you didn't have the headphones on...

Who's Heather?

Here's why I ask...Back on the 11th I posted this bit about Jackson Kirk "Jack" Grimes, candidate for President (of the US, none the less). Shortly thereafter (like in a few days) I got this in the comment section (a rare thing for the ol' Chicken Blog...unlike John, Tina and Bonnie I'm not well read):

Anonymous said...
STOP making a joke of the United Fascist Union.

Would you be inclined to do so in person, where Sam McCoy's Storm Troopers would kick your ass?

As a politician Director Grimes tailors his speeches to his audience and the flying saucer people were paying him to be there.

Hail Grimes!


I was sitting at home alone the other day when my telephone rang, and some sort of automated voice-activated survey was asking residents of Cecil County whether they believed abortion should be legal in this country. Despite pressing the #9 button, as instructed for pro-choice, the robotic voice thanked me for being pro-life.

So, I am writing this letter, publicly stating, for the record, not only do I believe abortion should always be legal in the United States, but actually encouraged, as a great way to reduce the surplus population.

Religious fanatics and right-wing lunatics are pushing these backward-thinking programs because of that maggot, Bush, and his fundamentalist Jesus freaks. Can we allow the Christians, who have a worse reputation for bigotry than the Nazis, to dictate morality in a free country?

There's more than just women's rights at stake here, and it's high time free thinkers tell these anti-abortion idiots, the lunatics from the religious right and Jesus -boy Bush, to stick it.

Jackson Grimes
Presidential Candidate
United Fascist Union

11:44 AM

I assumed that Jack's got some google bot out there checking for his name and he then pops up and comments. Cool, works for me, no biggie (and yes, Anonymous Possible Jack Grimes, I would make fun of the UFU in person, but only because I've lined Sam McCoy's pockets with Benjamins).

But then today I get this one:

Anonymous said...
Hi Heather:

How are yor & Director Grimes doing. Here's my thingy to help out a little.

Hail Grimes!

Jackson Grimes Presidential Priorities
"Abolish paper money. Establish a 'Transferable Work Point Card' as an electronic credit and debit system which would bring about a cashless/checkless society." "Establish a 'Universal Price Index' designed to first freeze and then greatly reduce the cost on all necessities of life like rent, groceries, car payments & etc." "Create a league of none or ten nations that would form a Confederacy of States to create a global government. The keystone of which will be Corporate Statism. Import Canadian-Style, Hate Laws, that would outlaw hate groups like the American Nazi Party & the Ku Klux Klan. Then grant "SPECIAL PROTECTIVE LEGAL STATUS" to Afro-Americans, homosexulals, Jews, women and, certain other minorities, that have been traditional targets of bigotry in the past.

12:43 PM

To which I must say..."Who's Heather?"

I got nuthin'.

Heath Ledger is dead, former fake New York District Attorney Fred Thompson has pulled out of the race, and I'm sleepy. I should really start writing these things in the afternoon.

So instead I'll just post another album cover for my second fake band, "Foindu", which is not melted cheese as I thought, but instead "village in Kono District in the Eastern Province of Sierra Leone." At least according to Wikipedia...

From the shameless idea theft department...

Well, maybe not technically theft, since it's a meme and that's what they're about, right? Anyhoo, I saw this over on Gallivanting Monkey and figured it was worth a shot, expecially since it's so dang easy.

It's the "Album Cover Meme," and here are the rules:

Go to this website:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

Done, done, done and done. And here are the results (not as cool a photo as Tina's first one...might have to try this one again):

Why?

Why can't this kind of stuff be on US TV? I mean, sure, we've got MXC, which is great, but really...hard to beat the old "rubber tubing around your face while trying to eat a marshmallow on a string" contest. Beats the hell out of Plinko.

Coming soon...

To a YouTube near you (and probably here in the ol' Chicken Blog), a fresh new animated short from Mr. Logan Chicken. The photos are done, now I just have to animate it and load it up. Maybe tomorrow...

Happy Birthday, Big Sister!

So it's my sister Carol's birthday today. Well, technically it's tomorrow, since I'm writing this on Friday, but she lives in Maryland where it's already Saturday so I think I'm safe.

Anyway, if I were a good brother I'd have prepared a slide show or something like I did for the kids, but I'm not. And I don't have that many pictures of her...I do have some she took back when I was like 5 or something...nice black & white shots of me climbing a tree, and swinging on a swing, and jumping around in the yard. I think it was for a class project documenting stuff from Winnie the Pooh, with me in the Christopher Robin role. Kind of amazing that I was able to climb the tree, since I appear to be wearing saddle shoes...

Selv en verdensmester har brug for selen

No idea what it means, but it might be "buckle up".

So tired...

Too sleepy to come up with anything original tonight, so I'll just post a link to this fine story about the taxpayer's dollar hard at work in Richmond, Virginia. Because you wouldn't want people hanging just anything from their trailer hitch!

Survey says....Bad Clowns!

So some researchers at the University of Sheffield over in England did some research and determined what we all know far too well: Clowns are scary.

I think one look at this picture taken by my nephew Matt (from his photo log 43Photos.net explains it all. Well, except for what the hell happened to the end of the nose...

RCRG on French TV? Oui!

I know...crappy headline. But hey, it's late. Sue me.

I don't speak French, but now I know that "Pia Mess" / PMS translates to "Miss Ragnagna". And that's good to know.

Anyhow, if you DO speak French, or just want a little cultural roller derby action, check out the video!

Life imitates "Little Miss Sunshine"

From the fine folks at KGW:

Family continues road trip to Ore. with dead grandma in RV

Another item in the long list of things I just don't understand

Raw Milk. OK, I can understand the general concept of the "eating raw" movement...sure, vegetables and fruits and whatnot have more nutritional value if you don't cook 'em. Sure, meat is cruel and leads to clogged arteries and a big ass. But raw milk? Does the pasteurization process really take that much out of the product? I mean, you can get whole pasteurized milk that's chock full of milk fat and all that goodness, it's just had the bacteria cooked out of it. Or is that the problem, that the pasteurization process kills both good and bad bacteria, and the benefit of the good outweighs the risk of the bad?

Can you tell I haven't actually researched this one? I know, it's easy to miss.

Anyhow, what brings this to mind is this story from the AP, via the Seattle Times:

Five sickened by raw milk from Ferndale dairy
By The Associated Press

FERNDALE — Health officials say five people were sickened by bacteria from a batch of raw milk that was recalled by a dairy in Ferndale.

According to the Whatcom County Health Department, four were from Whatcom County and three were from neighboring Skagit County.

All tested positive for the same strain of campylobacter jejuni that was found last month in unpasteurized milk from Pleasant Valley Dairy. That batch was pulled from the shelves, and the dairy has resumed distribution of raw milk as far south as Seattle.

Health officials also say the dairy has changed its testing procedure to reduce the risk of releasing contaminated milk.

Campylobacter is the most common bacterial cause of diarrhea in the United States.

Ouch!

Apparently Arthur W. Nack, my bus driver in Elementary School was right all those times he yelled at us to keep our arms inside the bus. And here we thought he was just trying to scare us!

Lazy Sunday

And not a muffin nor a Chronic what? Cle of Narnia to be found. And in spite of it's laziness I actually did accomplish something. I managed to do some laundry. And Scotchgard™ some ski stuff so I won't (hopefully) get soaked next time it snows. And cut up the Christmas tree and put it in the yard waste, something I'd been putting off for, oh, a week or two.

The rest of the day, though, was pretty dang lazy. Which is really what Sunday is all about, at least in the Chicken household.

Oy!

So the weekend started off great...big show last night, our next-to-last gig with Jack Chicken, the Sacred Truths' final show, plenty of rock and quite a bit of roll. Then everything went to hell.

So the boy is back in ski lessons with the fine folks at Webbski, on the same Saturday morning schedule as in past years. Which on a normal Saturday would mean I get up at 7, drag the boy out of bed at 7:30 or 7:45, then go meet Dave and Kelsey at the Preston Park & Ride at 8:30 or so and head up the hill.

Well, since I knew the show would run until 1, and since Paige was going to the show as well and we'd therefore need some child care, we imposed on Mom to host the kids over night. Mom lives in south Bellevue, right off I-90, and is therefore at least 20 minutes closer to Snoqualmie. So it was all going to work out great, right? Well, not quite.

Got to Mom's at about 1:20, was probably asleep by 1:45, and set the alarm for 7:45 figuring I'd leave the house at 8:15 or 8:30. That part of the plan (the waking up part) worked fine. But I'd forgotten the small problem of waking up young Logan Chicken. The boy just loves to sleep, especially at around 8 AM. So we didn't get out of the house until about 8:45 or 8:50, well behind schedule.

The rain turned to snow right around the second chain-up area, but the roads were still clear. Crowded, but clear. The snow got heavier as we climbed the pass, but we were still making good time. Both the Summit and Summit East exits were packed, so we drove past to Hayak and looped back to the Silver Fir parking lot, pulling in around 9:30. So...30 minutes to get gear on, ride the chair, and ski down to the Webbski chalet. Not going to happen.

And it didn't. We got the gear on relatively quickly, and there wasn't a line for the chair, but Silver Fir is slooooow. And on the way down Logan hit a spot where his confidence left him, so he had to hoof it down a bit. But we finally made it to Webbski (probably around 10:25), and luckily his teacher had planned to do a quick run and swing back with the class to pick up stragglers. So off he went, and off Dave and I went to ski on our own.

Now last season I was in shape. I'd run the Portland Marathon in early October of 2006, I ran the Seattle half marathon in November, so even though I slacked off after that I was still in good shape come January 2007. Well, that's not the case this year. Prior runs this year had been with Logan, so it was ski....stop. Ski....stop. Skiing with Dave, on the other hand, was ski....ski...ski some more...stop at the lift. And let me tell you, that hurt. A lot. Like "end of the day I've been on the skis for 8 hours and it's the last run" hurt. Only this was the first. Ouch.

Fortunately for me, Dave was in the same boat (or he's just humoring me...one of those). And also fortunately for me, we skied Silver Fir pretty much all morning, and it's a slow chair so it gave me a nice break. And even more fortunately, we left after Logan's lesson at 12:30 so I didn't have to suck it up any more.

Oh, and it was snowing all morning so I got soaked. Not cold, just wet.

OK, so that's the ski review. Well, the day just got worse thanks to the Seahawks' inability to run the freaking football. I should have turned off the radio and not turned on the TV after I got to Mom's, 'cause at that point they were up 14 - 0 and looking good. Then the Packers remembered how to play and we forgot, and that was the end of it. So now I find myself in a position of either rooting for the team that just beat us (since I can't stand the Giants or the Cowboys), or rooting for the Patriots just so they can make history. Or maybe I should go back upstairs and start rooting for Jacksonville...

Grimes is back!

Sure, you thought his political career was over after his resounding defeat back in 2004, but Jackson Kirk "Jack" Grimes is back in the running for President of these United States. And that's good, because the country needs the United Fascist Union to keep us on our toes and to remind us of who we are as a people.

And we need Jackson Kirk "Jack" Grimes to remind us that, as he so eloquently put it back in 1998 when speaking to the Flying Saucer Society in Dover, Delaware:

The fact that I'm speaking to you today proves that having our business cards in the Wilmington Public Library is not in vain and that some people must actually take the time to look stuff up on the Internet.

More importantly, back in '98 he had FEMA's number, as shown by their fine performance during Hurricane Katrina (from the same speech to the FLying Saucer people):

F.E.M.A. is the “Federal Emergency Management Agency.” They are the American equivalent to the Gestapo. F.E.M.A. wants the president to suspend the Constitution, declare Martial Law across the country and then round up and kill most Americans who will be used as food for Big Brother Grey once colonization begins. President Clinton says he wants F.E.M.A. to conduct emergency preparedness tests in 16 major cities this very summer. So, the Gestapo round-ups could start any day now.

But don't think that Jackson Kirk "Jack" Grimes is only interested in talking to space people. Or Earth people who believe in Space People. Or whoever the Flying Saucer Society is. No, he is also, in classic Fascist form, interested in trains and making sure they run, if not on time, at least to Elkton, Maryland.

And in case none of THAT is enough to get your vote, here are his Presidential Priorities for when he finally assumes office:

1. Abolish paper money. Establish a "Transferable Work Point Card" as an electronic credit and debit system which would bring about a cashless/checkless society.
2. Establish a "Universal Price Index' designed to first freeze and then greatly reduce the cost on all necessities of life like rent, groceries, car payments & etc.
3. Create a league of nine or ten nations that would form a Confederacy of States to create a global government. The keystone of which will be Corporate Statism.

Who could want anything more than a "Transferable Work Point Card" and reduced rent? If that's not worth voting for I don't know what is.

With friends like these...

So Senator John Kerry has endorsed Senator Barak Obama for president, "snubbing" both Senator Clinton and former Senator (and former VP candidate) Edwards (and yes, I realize that's a lot of Senators for one sentence...too bad there aren't any decent Governors in the race this time. Or maybe a Representative or two. Possibly a Mayor or Alderman).

My question is, is Kerry really trying to support Obama? Or is he actually in the Clinton camp but realizes that he can do her more good by publicly endorsing Obama?

In either case, I think Edwards should be happy. I was an Edwards guy back in 2004 and still think he completely blew it by getting on the ticket with Kerry. He would have been better off staying in the Senate and letting Howard Dean or someone else take the fall, 'cause there was no way Lurch was going to be elected President. No way.

Remember that YouTube thing from a few days ago?

Never mind. The YouTube memoirs of my friend Dan and his brother Ben's unscripted ramblings about books and whatnot are gone. Why? Well, to paraphrase Dan's words, he didn't want to become Chris Crocker.

Dan, you may be many things, but Chris Crocker you ain't.

Oh, that wacky Ken Hutcherson

So Ken, if you're not from Seattle or have been sleeping under a rock, is a big-shot Evangelical pastor with a big-ass church in Kirland. And Ken, being all Evangelical and all, doesn't like the gays. Or their gayishness and their wanting to be all accepted and whatnot.

But what REALLY gets Ken's goat is when companies support the gays to the point of trying to influence public policy by doing what companies do best, spending lobbying dollars. Ken's main target is, and has been for a while, Microsoft.

Microsoft has a bunch of gay-friendly policies. Last year (I think...might have been 2006...and please note that the rest of this paragraph is based on my faulty memory 'cause I'm way too lazy to look it up) Ken had a meeting with some Microsoft big wigs, after which Microsoft pulled their support for some gay rights legislation that was working its way through he State House (or Senate). Well, that led to some uproar (most noticeably in The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper) which then led to a renewal of support and the eventual passage of said legislation.

Well, as I mentioned, Ken's back in the spotlight, now asking his followers to buy 3 shares of MS stock and give one share to his investment fund so they can use the clout of the Hutcherson Masses to influence the company's behavior. But what really gets me is this quote, from Seattle's Only Other Newspaper the PI:

"That's when I got upset at Microsoft, when they came down to Olympia ... I said, 'Wait a minute, what are you doing down here trying to make your own policy state policy?' "

To this I ask: Um...Ken? Isn't that what you're trying to do? Why is it OK for you and your horde of evangelicals to make your own policy state policy when it's not OK for Microsoft? After all, there's that whole "separation of church and state" thing in your way...and while there probably should be a "separation of business and state" thing in Microsoft's way, there isn't yet and won't be any time soon...

Bowlarama, or Bumpers are Evil

So as I may have mentioned a few days ago, Friday was Miss Maya Chicken's birthday. Well, since having a birthday party on the actual birthday is apparently not possible (well, not when you're having it somewhere other than the house and don't figure out where that will be until 3 weeks before the party...) we had the party on Sunday. At the Lynnwood Bowl and Skate.

9 6- and 7-year-old girls, several parents, pizza, cupcakes, and roller skates. So naturally I did what any good father would do, took my son and his friend bowling. 'cause hey, it's a bowl and skate.

Now back in the day I did my share of bowling (not in Lynnwood...at the mighty Sun Villa Lanes in Bellevue). And back in the day if you didn't roll the ball down the middle of the lane it went in this thing called a "gutter". Hence the term "gutter ball". As a result, many of my bowling games had scores in the teens.

Well, now they've got these new-fangled things called "Bumpers". Which is another way of saying "cheater rail that keeps the ball out of the gutter". Which is another way of saying "my 10 year old can beat my ass at bowling because he has no risk of missing with his first ball."

That said, it was fun. Especially when Logan and his friend Kyle decided to see who could roll the ball the slowest (another great technical marvel: radar guns on the bowling alley). That record was set by Kyle, who rolled an impressive 1.6 mph ball. And, thanks to the bumpers, scored a 7.

Anyhow, after the skating was over Paige and Miss Maya joined us on the lanes and they all proceeded to kick my ass. And no, I didn't record the final scores. But I think it was something like 101 for Logan, 95 for Maya, 93 for Paige and a whopping 85 for me.

Next time, no bumpers!

Stupid glasses...

No, not the kind on your face, the kind you have to wash. We've got a bunch of pint glasses, and generally they're really durable. Most of them are pretty thick, festooned with logos and whatnot, picked up on bike rides or at thrift shops.

But we've got a few that are thinner, lighter, and more prone to breaking. Which is what happened tonight while I was washing it. And not some innocent "oops, the glass slipped and broke in the sink" kind of thing. No. This was a full-on fracture while my hand was inside the glass scrubbing it out, carving out a chunk of the side of my pinkie and putting a nice scratch in the back of my hand.

So now I'm trying to type with my right pinkie all wrapped up in gauze, which makes hitting the ? key a bit of a pain.

At least the funk station on pandora.com is cranking out the jams...that's helping.

35 - 14

And that about sums it up. And by "it" I naturally mean today's Seahawks - Redskins playoff game, a game in which the offense looked great at times and crappy at times, and the defense basically saved the day. They've been doing a lot of that this season, and I'm hoping that next weekend in Green Bay they won't have to do it again. Hoping they won't, but also assuming that they will because the running game still looked crappy today and it's easy to defend the pass if that's all you have to worry about!

Happy 7th Birthday, Miss Maya Chicken!

Another January 4th, another birthday for Miss Maya. Hard to believe she's seven. So here, to commemorate it, just like last year, is a series of photos covering this and the previous birthdays:

YouTube weirdness

So I've got a page on the YouTube - a "channel" in the YouTube lingo - but I basically don't use it. I signed on to share some stop-motion videos young Logan Chicken made with Legos, and to post some private videos of the kids for the various grandparents, aunts and uncles. But I'm not a "YouTuber". I don't have a web cam, and I don't really have any interest in getting one. But I know a couple people who do, and now they're using them. A lot. And it's sucking me in.

The fact that they're brothers probably explains it...Dan, who goes by the YouTube handle "Rafter12", lives in the midwest while brother Ben, alternately "Some Guy from Seattle" and "Simpleton's Corner", lives here in the Jet City. So the YouTube gives them a chance to talk to eachother without the added effort of typing. Or picking up the phone. Or interacting in real time. Except when they IM while recording, which is kind of surreal to watch.

I've been making my way through their videos since Dan e-mailed me and directed me to his page, and I find the experience oddly voyeuristic. Not exactly uncomfortable, but not completely comfortable either. They're both pretty personal (Dan's more than Ben's, at least so far...Dan has a series where he's giving an autobiography in installments), which contributes to the voyeurism thing. And while it's helping me know my friend and his brother better, and giving me more insight into Dan's life (and Ben's, for that matter), it still feels like I'm eavesdropping on a conversation going on at the next table at the Starbucks.

RIP, Paul!

Paul Alderson has died.

Who's that, you ask? Well, the short answer is that Paul was a guy I worked for from around 1993 to 2000. The longer story is, um, longer, and if you really want it let me know and I'll post it. In place of that, and in honor of Paul's memory, here are a few things I learned from him:

Enjoy what you do, and have fun when you work: When I started working with Paul every day was an adventure. We were both learning new stuff, figuring out new ways to do things, and building a cool tool. It was the closest I've come to working at a well-funded start-up, and I imagine the vibe was similar. We enjoyed what we were doing, we enjoyed eachother's company, and we were getting paid (relatively) well. In later years as the department grew Paul was forced in to more of a management role which he generally did well, but didn't enjoy nearly as much as the creative side of things. Perhaps not coincidentally he started having some major health issues and the fun pretty much went out of it for him.

Don't sweat the small stuff: It's trite, but it's true and Paul was (generally) good at letting the minor crap roll off his back. And I've tried to emulate that.

Confront staff problems early: This is one Paul and I learned together, but I haven't really learned it. Not that I have people reporting to me any more...anyhoo, we had a couple people on the team that needed to be fired for various reasons, and we let it slide far too long. And as a result the expected happened: team morale suffered, we looked like idiots, and the company spent money on salaries for people who didn't produce. The problem was that both Paul and I were softies at heart and hated firing people. Which isn't a bad thing, except for when it is.

Listen to your body: This is a lesson I learned by observing Paul do exactly the opposite. While he preached the whole "don't come to work sick" thing he couldn't follow it himself. He worked when he was sick. He worked when he was in pain. He worked when he was hopped up on goofballs and suffering from something called "Prednisone Psychosis". And as a result his health suffered, the team suffered, and our relationship suffered. Because let's face it, it's hard to respect a guy who won't take care of himself, especially when he's grilling you on the details of a conversation that never happened.

Listen to your doctor: This one's a corollary (or is it companion? One of those) of the last rule, but it's still important. You'd think it was obvious, but sometimes it's easy to assume the doctor is a quack or doesn't know you and how your body will react. But as Paul proved at least once, doctors aren't all idiots and sometimes when they tell you "you're going to need to take this drug for a while, then cut it off slowly" they're right. And if you suddenly stop taking the drug they warned you about because you've quit other things "cold turkey" you'll probably end up in the hospital.

It's not rocket science: This was Paul's favorite line, so it's not really a lesson...although it is applicable to just about everything I've done in the work world, either during my days with Paul or after. It went along with his other fave phrase of "don't reinvent the wheel". Trite, both of them, but they did sum up a lot of the management philosophy of our group: keep it simple, and reuse anything and everything.

I'm sure there's more, but nothing is coming to mind right now, and hasn't in the weeks that I've been thinking about this (Paul died in early December...I apparently didn't learn any lessons about procrastination from him). So I'll wrap up with a heartfelt thanks to the late Paul Alderson for his guidance, support and friendship early in my business career, and an equally heartfelt apology for not staying in touch (or forcing him to keep in touch) after the department was shut down and we each went our separate ways. Hopefully that will be the lesson I really learn from him!

Happy New Year!

OK, so I'm getting around to this at 10:30 at night on New Year's Day, but what the hell...

In addition to the standard resolutions of losing weight and doing good in the world, I'm going to try to post more frequently. Honest. Tina, of Galivanting Monkey fame, did a challenge last month or the month before where she posted something every day. So I'm going to try that in January, and hopefully continue beyond that.

We'll see how it works out, if I actually put in any original content, or just link to articles and give updates of my Facebook Wrestler's career

Remind me not to go skiing in Japan...

Or if I do, not to take advantage of the "massage chair".

Oh to live a few miles to the north...

Can someone please tell me what Jim McDermott is smoking so I can avoid it at all costs? I mean, I'm as areligious as the next Gen-X Seattlite but really...voting "no" against a recognition of Christmas seems, well, offensive in it's apparent intent not to offend. Let's compare the three religious holiday-acknowledging resolutions (all pulled from the PI's article):

1. Ramadan: HR 635: "Acknowledges the onset of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting and spiritual renewal, and conveys its respect to Muslims in the United States and throughout the world on this occasion." (Approved 376-0)

2. Diwali: HR 747: "Acknowledges the onset of Diwali and expresses its deepest respect to Indian Americans and the Indian Diaspora throughout the world on this significant occasion." (Approved 358-0)

3. Christmas: HR 847: "Acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith." (Approved 372-9)

Maybe the problem is that HR 847 didn't acknowledge the onset of Christmas. Or that it didn't express its deepest respect to Christians throughout the world on this occasion. Or maybe it's the "religious and historical importance" piece that's included in Christmas but missing from the other two. Unfortunately, since I don't know the congressman I don't know why he decided to vote "no" on this one (which, according to a staff member in his Seattle office quoted in the article, I would if I did). But it gives me one more reason to wish I hadn't been re-districted out of Insley Country.

What the hell?

So I'm a fan of the site Hot Chicks with Douchebags. Generally funny pictures, amusing commentary, good clean American fun.

So Sunday's photo was this, and I have to ask: what's the deal with the belt buckle? I mean, how can you even sit with that thing in your lap? I'm deeply disturbed by the buckle...deeply.

Yet more useless science

Finally someone has calculated how long Santa stays in town on Christmas Eve. Because we needed to know that it was 34 microseconds per stop and that the sleigh has to fly 3,604 miles per second.

Clearly Anders Larsson, listed as being "of the engineering consultancy Sweco", needs to listen to a little more Cheech & Chong. Then he'd know that Santa has magic dust and takes the freeway. Makes much more sense that way, don't you think?

WTF, Amazon?

So I ordered a couple things from Amazon.com (if you must know, a pair of headphones for me and some noise-cancelling earbuds for Mrs. Chicken) and select the "free supersaver shipping". Now, usually that means it sits on the shelf for a while, then gets dropped in the US Mail and gets here whenever it can.

This time they ship it DHL. I get the notice that it's shipping on Friday (November 16th), and that I can expect delivery on...November 28th. I can only assume that DHL is either now using pack mules to transport stuff or their drivers are limited to 8 hours a day at about 25 mph.

My new personal heros

Well, maybe "hero" is too strong a word. But you have to admit it's a good piece of innovation to get inmates to pay you rent for the honor of staying in your jail, even if the law frowns on it. And it takes a certain something to be able to chug Tabasco sauce straight from the bottle. So maybe "hero" is the right word after all.

Finally, you too can look like Geordi La Forge

You'll have to do some case moding on your Vuzix iWear AV920, but that's a small price to pay.

Oh, and along the way you can experience a video image that's the equivalent of a 62" screen 9 feet away. You won't be able to see your beer, but that's also a small price to pay.

Ah, if only...

You've seen 24 in the past (whether you see it this season is up to the strike...). You know how dependent the show is on tech: cell phones, satellite photography, internet hacking, text messaging, all that stuff.

So what would the show have been like if they'd done it in, say, 1994? Fortunately for us, the College Humor guys have answered that question with this, 24: The unaired 1994 pilot

Note to self...

If I ever end up divorcing Mrs. Chicken, be sure not to kiss her afterward. Especially if she's had a bit to drink. Otherwise I'll end up like this guy. Well, except for the part where the police report "finding the man's lip on the bedroom floor, covered with cat hair." Dust bunnies, sure. But not cat hair.

Finally, a choir I can get behind

I'm not big on the vocal scene, I must admit. Never really enjoyed singing, although I've been told I have an OK voice (for someone who doesn't sing, I assume). Actually, let me amend that: I've never really enjoyed singing FOR people. In the car or shower is another story.

Anyhow, I've never been a big supporter of the choral arts, even when friends have been in choirs and invited me to come see them. But after seeing this article in today's PI about the "Complaints Choir" I think I may have found my outlet. As the founders of the Complaints Choir states:

"We say you should sing (complaints) out ... acknowledge things aren't as they should be. It's therapeutic."

It's kind of like the Festivus "airing of the grievances", only with more peole. And set to music.

Everyone in the Complaints Choir has to contribute a complaint, which could be the most difficult part. No, not finding something to complain about, but rather narrowing it down to the one complaint worth submitting...I think I'll go with "The new Comcast DVR software is worthless".

Moving up my Xmas wish list

It's the Dough-Nu-Matic from our good friends at SkyMall (courtesy of Sci-Fi's Tech blog). Because it's really too big a hassle to go the 10 blocks to Krispy Kreme when I want a donut...

Another product I didn't know I needed

Organic Batter Blaster ™ - Original Pancake and Waffle Batter

Not just any Organic Pancake and Waffle Batter...Organic Pancake and Waffle Batter in an aerosol can a la spray cheese. Which kind of goes against the whole "organic is better for the environment" thing, doesn't it?

At least he's still humble...

So they're making a new "Star Trek" prequel with the characters from the original series - Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, etc. Nimoy's in, but Shatner's out. But at least, according to this story from CNN, he's taking it well:

'I couldn't believe it. I'm not in the movie at all. Leonard, God bless his heart, is in, but not me,' Shatner, 76, told The Associated Press on Thursday. 'I thought, what a decision to make, since it obviously is a decision not to make use of the popularity I have to ensure the movie has good box office. It didn't seem to be a wise business decision.'

Something else to worry about

I don't live in "The City", so this might not be a problem, but still...Pythons in the toilet? I have a friend who is buying a house, so I've pointed this phenomenon out to her so she can make sure the inspector checks the pipes properly.

I'd better get on it...

Now that I've been linked to from the mighty John Moe's mighty Monkey Disaster blog I should get of my butt and start posting stuff again. Which will, almost undoubtedly, be a bunch of stupid news stories that I find and blather about on the air (Radio KYA Ocean Shores...apparently the "sweetest music ever made", but I wouldn't know since I almost never listen). But I'll start off my return to (hopefully) more active posting with something a bit more "real": A recommendation that you listen to my nephew Matt in his early attempts at being a DJ.

Matt, like his uncle, is a college DJ. Unlike his uncle, his weekly college radio show can be heard world-wide thanks to the wonder of the Internet (in MY day we had three listeners in a prison and we liked it!). The station is VIC Radio out of Ithaca College (probably the "IC" in VIC, not that I've asked), and you can find their stream here. Matt, being a freshman, gets a fine graveyard shift: midnight to 2 AM Tuesday mornings. Which works out great for his West Coast relatives, since he's on from 9 to 11 on Monday nights.

So tune in, give it a listen, and don't razz him too much about saying "um" every other word. After all, he's new at this and hasn't learned the secret of turning "um" in to "uh" or "so" or "ehhhhh....yeah...."

Find Your Candidate for the 2008 Election

Apparently, according to this site's candidate calculator, I'm a Bill Richardson man. Not knowing anything about him other than that he's from New Mexico, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. And I'm too lazy to do the research. Hopefully I'll remember that when Caucus / Primary time comes around so I don't go voting for Jackson Grimes of the United Fascist Union again...

Genius. Sheer genius.

This guy knows something I don't, 'cause I would never have thought to stick a rattlesnake in my mouth if I wanted to impress my ex-girlfriend. A whole double cheeseburger, sure, but never a rattler!

Man hides sex toys in the wurst way...

Apparently "Schwartenmagen" is German for "latex dildo with a natural look"

People with too much time on their hands, entry #327

The guy (or people) who built this City of toothpicks. Because it must have taken an inordinate amount of time to make this sucker:

"I really amazed my friends with my nudity knowledge growing up." - Jim McBride

Adding to the list of "web site ideas I should have had" is mrskin.com, a site that logs nude scenes in mainstream movies by actress (they only do female nude tracking because, in ol' Jim McBride's words, "this job is so fun I didn't want to make it work." Whatever you say, Jim!

Here's an article about him from our good friends at Yahoo News.

My new fave web site

Hot Chicks with Douchebags. What's there? Pretty much what you'd expect: pictures of hot chicks and douchebag guys. The commentary is pretty funny, but not nearly as funny as the pictures of people like The Gator here:

1 - 0

The Seahawks, that is...guaranteed tie for the top of the NFC West, since St. Louis lost today and either Arizona or San Fran will lose tomorrow. The team looked fairly good today, although the offense was a bit slow to get things going. But the defense hit hard, and they kept the hapless Bucks out of the end zone, so it all worked out fine in the end.

First day of school

So yesterday was the first day of school for the mighty Seattle Public Schools, and after a nice healthy breakfast (Cinnamon Life and Captain Crunch, as you can see from the photos), the kids headed off.



That last shot is the classic Chicken family "heading off to school" shot. Which made me think...Logan is now in 5th grade, so this is the sixth time we've done this. How much have they changed? Which led to this little slide show right here:

To quote The Ogre...

NERRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!!!!!

Why? Because only a nerd would calculate a formula to explain why Jessica Alba has the perfect wiggle.

Genius!

The invention...clearly not the people writing in the questions. But it's nice that someone has finally invented the self-adhesive sunroof so you can look like you've got a sun roof without actually allowing any sun in through the roof.

Ah, the old seat belt 'Heimlich'

Please do as Sgt. Mozan asks and pull over next time you're trying to eat an eggamuffin on the way to work.

Seat belt 'Heimlich' saves choking man - Yahoo! News

A clear sign I'm now in mid life...

I read this story and instead of thinking "oh my god that's nuts" I thought "wow, that would be cool..."

So, is it mid-life crisis? Am I not willing to admit that I'm 40 and probably shouldn't be thinking about entering an 8-day mountain bike race that, according to the web site, covers "a distance of roughly 600 km (385 miles) and a vertical gain of 19,5000 m (65,000 ft.)"?

Well, looking at the pictures there are definitely a few riders older than me...I mentioned it to the wife and her first response was "Yuck!", followed by "that sounds expensive". Well, sure...it's 600 Euros to enter, which at this second works out to about $825. That basically covers food and transportation of your stuff each day of the race. And maybe a floor to sleep on, but that doesn't sound too comfortable.

So you'd have to add airfare - figure, what, $1,000 for that, maybe? Then train transportation to the start and back to the airport, maybe another $200 - 500 depending on where you flew in. Then if you want to sleep in comfort and eat real food rather than the pasta and tomato sauce the race provides, throw in a couple more hundred a night during the ride, figure $2,000 total. Then you'd want a week in a villa somewhere in Italy, preferably a villa staffed with professional massage therapists, so add another $2,000 for that, plus an extra week's food and tourist stuff at, oh, $1,000. So that adds up to, um, around $7,500.

Yeah, that is kind of expensive...especially when the CNN guy who did the ride has a photo of his bike, a $2,000 Specialized Stumpjumper, that he refers to as "one of the least expensive bikes in the race". Hmm...maybe my $750 Marin won't cut it. So we'd better throw in another $2,500 for a new bike, taking it to a nice $10,000 vacation.

And that's not counting getting the wife and kids over there too, so yeah...too expensive.

A guy can dream, though. And while dreaming, he can look at photos of this year's race. Fine photos like these:

Angels. Blue ones.

Man I've been crappy about the posting! You'd think I could manage to find something to stick on the ol' Blog once a month, but apparently not. At least, nothing interesting and worth reading...so instead, here are some pictures.

I've lived in Seattle for what, 37 summers or so (three summers away during college...), but I've never actually gone to the hydro races. Nor have I gone down to see the Blue Angels air show. Both of these were big events in the 70s when I was growing up, but I was too young to drink and didn't have a boat. And my dad wasn't really a "go sit in a crowd of drunks with my kid" kind of guy.

Well, I figured that now that I'm 40 and have kids of my own I might as well submit them to the expected joys of standing on a bridge with a bunch of other people while really sweet jets fly overhead. So we packed the bikes on the car, headed down to I-90, rode through the tunnel, and found ourselves surrounded by a teeming mass of humanity. Not a steaming mass, because it was still kind of cloudy, but definitely teeming.

When we got there the Patriots aerobatics team was doing their thing in, um, whatever kind of plane it is that they fly. I'm not a plane geek, so I don't know, but they looked like this:



I like the headlights they have on the wings...very sexy.

So anyway, after the Patriots finished we moved out on to the actual bridge - closed to traffic, thanks for asking - and waited for the Angels to show up. First on the scene was their big prop plane, Fat Albert (I think...). This is the plane that hauls all their crap around. It's like their tour bus, only instead of riding in it the stunt pilots fly around in their sweet jets and let the roadies (Marines, in this case...) fly the slow bus. Poor marines. It's still a cool looking plane, and can climb pretty damn steeply as the second photo shows.



Well, after Albert had left the scene the main show started. Well, not immediately...the planes take a rather circuitous approach, heading north from Boeing Field past downtown, around the top of Lake Washington, then down over Bellevue and finally coming back west across the lake, where they hit the smoke. And you need the smoke, 'cause they're kind of small and you can't hear them until they're on top of you...



And after that the show was on. If you've never seen the Blue Angels, the show consists of four planes working together - the Diamond - and two "solo" planes who do individual stunts and stunts together. The impressive part of the Diamond act is that they're so dang close together pretty much all the time:



Whereas the solo pilots fly apart, but at much higher speed. And they do crazy stuff like play chicken and then miss each other by what looks like three feet but is probably a very safe 5 or 10...



Anyhoo, there are more links in the album in case you're interested!

Quote of the week

Well, of the early week, anyway..." Police did not know if the same wookie was involved in Sunday's attack. "

From the illustrious news source MyFoxLA comes this great headline: Chewbacca Allegedly Sexually Assaults Marilyn Monroe, Flees.

It's pretty much my favorite animal.

The zebrula. Not as cool as the Liger, but still pretty cool looking.

Adding to the list...

The list of ways I don't want to die, that is. I would like to add these two to that list:

1. Die in dairy farm manure pit: "Exposure to methane gas led to the deaths of five people, but whether they suffocated from the fumes or drowned in 18 inches of liquefied cow manure may never be known, authorities said."

2. Shot in the face by a fireworks mortar: "A powerful firework exploded in the face of a woman trying to set it off, killing her as her fiance and 8-year-old son watched, police said...'She basically killed herself in front her children and her fiance,' Welch said."

Finally a reason to move to Winnipeg!

From the fine folks at Yahoo News comes this headline: Double pepperoni, mushrooms, extra cheese and ... porn?

To quote from the story:

Porno Pizza in Winnipeg has been doing brisk business since opening last week, titillating the hungry with racy pictures at the bottom of every pizza box.

"They range from softly-lit, lube-on-the-lens pictures like in Playboy, to raunchy, hardcore photos that would make Larry Flint blush," pizzeria owner Corey Wildeman told AFP. "The image is revealed as you eat the pizza."

I must say, though, what are you saying about the quality of your pizza if you have to give people porn as an incentive to finish the pie?

Another investment opportunity lost

And to think I was planning on shorting machete futures...

Price of machetes drops after elections

Headline of the day

From CNN.com: "Astronaut's attorney: She did NOT wear diapers"

Glad they set the record straight on THAT one...

Things I didn't know

From an article about the high rate of bodies being found in the Spokane River in the last year and a half (11 in 16 months): "Bodies normally resurface in seven to 10 days, Walker said. They typically float at the surface for 24 to 48 hours before sinking again."

I'll keep that in mind.

OMFG

Fortunately I don't have any trips planned to amusement parks soon (although we've talked about going to Silverwood over in Idaho)...then again, I'm not a big fan of the free-fall ride anyway. But still...

Girl's feet severed on ride at Six Flags in Kentucky - CNN.com: "'The people on the ride just came and hit the ground,' she said. 'When I got up there, the lady she was just sitting there, and she didn't have no legs. ... And she was just there, calm, probably in shock from everything.'"

RIP, Cousin Gerry!

So when my mom calls me in the middle of the day it's usually one of two things: the computer is broken and she needs tech support, or she ran in to someone who knew me back in the day and wants to tell me about it. Or, a third option, I've called or e-mailed her asking if she can watch the kids. It's almost never to tell me that someone has died, and on the few occasions that it was it's usually one of her neighbors and the death has been relatively expected.

So I was completely taken aback when she called me today to tell me that my cousin Gerry had died.

Sure, Gerry was old...at 75 he'd lived a good, full life. But the problem was he wasn't done living it. Unlike my dad (Gerry's 1st cousin, making me his 1st cousin once removed, if I'm doing it right...) Gerry wasn't battling a mind-eating disease. Unlike my sister's college roommate who recently passed Gerry hadn't fought MS for 25 years. In fact, he was in such good shape for a 75-year-old that he was out riding his bike when it happened.

Mom was thin on the details when she called, having only received a voice mail from another cousin (we're big on the cousins in my family...Dad had 5 or 6 uncles and each of them had at least 2 kids) saying something to the effect of "Gerry died this morning in a bicycle crash." When I hear the term "fatal bicycle crash" I, being a good Seattelite, assume that there was a large, motorized vehicle involved. Not in this case. According to the story in the Appleton paper he was riding down a hill through a park when he had to slam on the brakes and inertia took over. If you've ever done this you know what happens after you slam on the brakes: bike stops, person continues. The usual result is scraped hands, skinned knees, bruises galore. In Gerry's case the end result was a broken neck and, a while later at the emergency room, a departure from this mortal coil.

I'm not going to be able to do Gerry justice, because while I knew him like I know all my cousins, I didn't really KNOW him. I know he was a scholar - he taught French for something like 39 years. I know he was one of the most literate people I've met - my sister Barb, who went to Lawrence University where Gerry taught, was for years afraid that her Christmas cards would come back covered in red ink. I know he could spin a yarn, mesmerizing his audience with his soft, warm voice and attention to detail in a way I never could. And I know that I'll miss him, and that my main regret today is that, when we went to his 75th birthday party last summer, I didn't bring the camcorder. I thought about it, then consciously decided to leave it in the motel room because "there won't be anything to film." Sure, nothing other than Gerry reciting the family history, explaining who we were and why we were in Ward, Colorado on a sunny August day. And now that memory will live on in my mind, but no where else.

Sleep peacefully, Gerry, and if you see Dad wherever you've gone tell him "hi".